You, whom all the other gods fear

[dumblemop]

Still can't escape this Kemetic thing. Which is funny, because if I were smart, I'd go Heathen and have done with it. On the other hand, if the Aesir just don't want me, and as far as I know none have given indication that they do, I really don't want to mess with them.

Read something today: "The more you are ma'at, the less isfet instrudes in your life..." Ma'at being the Kemetic concept of rightness and order and isfet being the Kemetic concept of chaos and disorder. Which is parallel to something I have recently noticed, that 'the universe rewards me for doing the right thing.'

For example, right after I find out that I kicked ass on my Discrete final (106/100) and might get an A for the semester, I got an email about an opportunity for summer research--at UW, including housing and food, with one of the possible categories being technical Japanese. That is a ridiculous opportunity.

For jobs last summer, I started the Black Hawk application really early, but then I forgot about it. So place after place that I checked, had no positions left. But I still made the effort, and called people up and sent emails and did applications--and it paid off and I got a job.

And I was scared about taking it, and I wasn't sure I'd be good at it, but I threw myself into it as best I could. I surmounted one of my personal doubts, doing something that would be difficult for me--and out of that grew a relationship that works, despite or because of the bits that are more difficult. And it's not always easy, but I try to do my bit there too, and it just keeps getting better.

I really don't know what I want to do about work and school longterm--but I guess if I just keep going, something will turn up.

And of course, all of this could be just lines drawn in the sand; coincidence. But lately I'm finding it harder and harder to believe in coincidence.

Comments

[singswithtrees.livejournal.com]

I know how that can feel. I currently work with individuals from five different pantheons, and am feeling sort of lost at sea between all of them. (The five would be the Norse, Japanese/Shinto, Greek, Judeo-Christian, and Voudoun/Santeria.) The Judeo-Christianity is mostly because I was raised Catholic and my boyfriend is Jewish, the Greek because it's familiar and accessible, the Shinto because I'm fascinated with a couple of specific deities from it, the Norse because it's my cultural heritage, and Voudoun because it feels familiar and intimate to me, and because I get along very well with one or two of the loa in particular.

There are lots of reasons why I don't just go for the Voudoun/Santeria. I'm not in an area where there's a particular lot of contact with either religion, and as a very white girl, I'd feel awkward going into a botanica when I don't speak more than a few words of Spanish. I also feel as though I'm appropriating a culture that isn't mine, much the same as many Caucasian folks have done with Native American religions and beliefs, and so I keep telling myself that I ought to stick with the Aesir and Vanir. I do connect with the Norse pantheon on some level, but the draw to the Yoruba/Ifa is stronger. I'm also not that into animal sacrifice, and my boyfriend, while supportive, also doesn't care much for my leaving idols and divination tools about the house.

I'm still trying to figure things out. And while I have no clearly defined answers, it's one hell of a ride. :)

[dumblemop.livejournal.com]

Seriously. Deity is hard work! I hope we both figure it out--or, I suppose, come to terms with not having it figured out. :)