Don't Want to Say Goodnight

I believe I need to scan multiple things and upload them to Deviantart in the near future. I want to finish my Stat reading first and look at the questions for next week before having to split for lunch, Involvement Fest, and choir.

I could've sworn I'd scanned my Sekhmet but I guess I hadn't. A couple people on the HoN boards said they liked it. *waves to new friends* *pets drawing* I think I will probably crop it and put the full page in Scraps and the important bit as a deviation.

I've also got some other things in my art binder that I'd forgotten about, so I will scan and post those.

I mostly goofed off yesterday, but I got to talk to the HoNers some more, finally opened up Photoshop and did some work, read for Stat, and pretty much finished the FA website.

Only problem is I'm having some trouble getting the new version to display. I FTP'd the files into a separate folder on our student orgs webspace that you wouldn't be able to get to without knowing the extension so the board could look at it before posting it for real, but the pages are just blank. It knows there's something there, because it doesn't say it can't find the file, but nothing shows up. So I don't know if it's a problem with my files or with the FTP client or what. I guess I can try to just code a normal test file in TextEdit and upload that to get some clues.

I used iWeb because I'm lazy and we needed a new website fast. Any tips would be appreciated.

The statistics book is really not that interesting. It's a class designed for scientific majors, and the introduction was like "research shows that students are more interested when working with real data rather than patently fabricated scenarios." So all the examples are things like lifetimes of lighbulbs and how many years people have owned their cars and so on. Sorry, that's not really that interesting. I've caught up on the reading though, and I'm almost done pre-reading the section we're covering on Tuesday.

That leaves reading for Philosophy, looking over the lesson in JSL some more, I should write a composition, looking for the JWL book, and reading for comp sci so I'm not totally lost on Tuesday.

I'm so happy to have proper art software again. iPhoto is fine for adjusting contrast when I take crap photos, and Preview is fine for viewing any image as well as taking screenshots, but their editing capability is just not there. *pets Photoshop* Yesterday I started work again on Crimson's commission, and when I finished touching up the lineart I realized that he never told me or I don't remember and can't read the chat logs, what colors he wanted it to be.

So I've moved onto Audi's commission and I've picked up another one for Lyrim because he will pay me. xD In Gaia gold, but still. Eventually I will probably have a list of Gaian prices and Real Money (tm) prices. I also really want to try my hand at those fursona plushies I meant to make last year but could never get to a fabric store. If Kee, Shino, and NG turn out well, (although I don't know what I'd do with the Shino one at this point), I could potentially make some money off of making them for other AFGers. Ruby also wanted me to make her an Urahara plushie and lifesize hat for her. I sent her a note on MSN asking if she still wanted it. I don't have a sewing machine so I don't know if I would be able to make the hat sturdy enough, since I was thinking I would make it out of canvas and paint it. We'll see. Guess it could be a good ice-breaking experience for Abby to teach me how to borrow her machine? xD

I've pretty much accepted this Kemetic thing by this point, but now the question becomes go along by myself as best as I can manage, or take the beginner's class at Kemet.org? I don't know. I guess I can wait four months instead of four days to get up enough courage and information to ask my parents.

My room is a mess. My parents sent me four boxes of stuff I didn't have room to bring back with me, and now I don't have room for it here. It should've been an indication to me when I wasn't going to be able to fit it in my bags. Also my mom sent more stuff than I'd asked for; some of which was nice like chocolate, some of which just clothes I'd left behind for a reason. Like my bathrobe: I have my yukata here for when I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and can't be naked, and when I take a shower I just use a towel and it's much more convenient. I left the bathrobe at home so I don't have to take it back and forth with me on breaks. Also a purple sweater that I've worn twice and felt intensely uneasy in both times, and I'm pretty sure I explicitly gave it to my mother because I didn't really want it. It's a nice sweater, it's just so not me.

I don't know. Whatever. I need to get a bookshelf and more hangers. Then I can put a lot of my crap on the bookshelf, including the crap that's ontop of my dresser at the moment, and hang up my extraneous shirts that are also currently on the dresser because they won't fit in the dresser. Some of them I will probably take to Trin's place so I don't have to bring clothes back and forth as much.

My hair is actually behaving itself lately, which is amazing. It also might have something to do with the fact that now I'm washing it every two or three days and rinsing it in between, as opposed to a shedule more on the order of weeks. >_>;

I don't know why I always take such long breaks from writing in here. I used to write in it all the time. Well, especially when I was dating Liz and Kaitlyn, I guess. With those/that relationship(s) though, I just kinda put it all out there when I wrote in here, which I'm less inclined to do with Trin. I'm not really sure what the difference is, though. I'd say that Trin and I talk about a lot with each other, but Liz and I talked a lot too. I don't know.

I'd also like to get over Lindsay now, plzthnxbai. I pulled one of Trin's shirts out of the laundry bag to put in the washer, and the shirt happened to be made of the same material that all of Lindsay's peasant shirts were, and I nearly went into full blown panic--just from feeling the shirt. I also "feel bad" for things like having to do homework when Trin's around. With Lindsay I wouldn't have done it because she would've yelled at me or hurt me or done any manner of other horrible things. But it doesn't have anything to do with thinking Trin will react like that. I would just rather do homework when she's not there; but that doesn't mean I actually do which is the problem. I don't know.

I'm hungry. I'll get lunch soon. I have to man the table at noon so I'll head over a bit early and get food to eat there. I'll look for the JWL book too. After choir I'll take the bus to Trin's school. I won't make the 2:00 so I'll have to take the 3:45. Oh well, I'll get some work done I guess. I need to remember to bring blank paper with me places now--or I guess I can really start using my sketchbook finally. This'll be fun. :)

I'm not sure what else I really have to say at the moment so I guess. >_>;

Very much boo on Mastering Physics.

But now I'm done and now it's time to snuggle.

Night y'all.

I miss singing. I know I don't have time for it this year but maybe I should give up on the Mama's Boys and find another group. I've seen more of them wandering around than there used to be.

I just see novawolf's away message is "probably singing" and epilo's always got keys going on...and I listen to my MCC CDs and the Adiloi tracks I stole from mialamu...and there's something missing.

I need more time. Or an instant cloning machine. So I could have one me eat and sleep and another me go to class and another me to do homework and a fourth etc me do all the other things I want to do. That way I could take all the classes I want to, get all my homework done, get sleep and nourishment, and see Trin and sing and play frisbee and do Freedom and swim and draw and do theatre and everything else I don't have time for. I wish I had taken more advantage of high school when I had so much opportunity and time.

Anyone have a cardboard box they're not using...?

I mowed the lawn today. It took me one full rendition of Wicked and then another run through up to "Dancing Through Life." I'm not really sure how much time that is in hours because I wasn't really paying attention. Then I took a shower. Now I'm taking refuge from the heat in the family room. Eventually I'll have to go back to organising my room when my parents remember that I exist.

I'm not sure whether I got a sunburn on my face or not. Maybe not, maybe a little one. I'm reheating my sesame chicken from last night for lunch. Late, because I woke up at 11:30.

It's nice to have stories. Liz is always like "so what are you up to?" and I'm always like "nothing much." I just always have this feeling that other people's stories are more interesting than mine, so I hardly ever share any. That and most people like telling their own stories better than hearing other people's, so I listen. And I like listening, it's not a role that I resent, but after awhile it gets on people's nerves to be around someone so attentive and silent.

My mom is in love with this story I wrote when--judging by the other contents of the notebook and my handwriting--I was in sixth grade. It started out as "The Red Dragon" and was later changed to "The 999 Steps of the Queen's Palace" or something like that. I deleted the latest computer copy of it at the behest of Lindsay so it seems like the only copy that remains is the "original manuscript" which I found in the basement last week, because any other copies of it would have been on the computer that had its harddrive accidentally wiped. BUT, I found some floppies in the basement when I was going through my school stuff that are labeled with stories I was working on around the same time, and "999 Steps" is one of them, but I haven't had a chance to look at it yet.

Anyway, she thinks it's the best story evar and it would make a wonderful children's book and that I should get it published with illustrations, and so on. And she's been of this opinion since I wrote it. I don't really know what to make of that--or of the story anymore. I remember writing it--in the middle of the night after rereading my lovely dragon book--I remember editing it at various later points--I wanted to submit it to Yahara River in seventh grade but it was just over two pages double-spaced so I had to write and submit "Fizzy Cheese and Clocks" instead *liberal eyeroll*--but it doesn't really seem mine anymore.

None of my writing feels mine. As soon as I'm done writing it it's...not a part of me anymore, somehow. And that seems obvious but it's like...I feel like all writing should have some kind of umbilical cord back to its creator. And mine doesn't. And it's nothing to do with voice (which is what my dad obsesses over about my writing), it's something different that I can't quite quantify. I know whether writing is mine or not because I wrote it--but that's different too, somehow.

With the notebook containing the red dragon story, I also found the other notebook that looks just like it but it's college-ruled instead of wide-ruled and it's missing its cover. This second notebook--which is actualy the first--was the one I used at Mararet's Young Writers Workshop at Borders in Madison all those years. So there are such gems as "Sitting with my back to a chainlink fence somewhere in the middle of summer" and "Alyssa's Garden" and "One Lone Pea." Some of it is actually pretty good, I think, especially at that age. Some of them suck so hard I just laugh for writing them. Some of them aren't that great but I'm still fond of them for various reasons. I think I'll post some of the better and worse ones for contrast later on.

I got my period on Friday, which sucked. I was standing in the dining hall watching my kids and went "ah, shit, there it is." And of course I didn't have anything with me because I don't keep track of when I'm supposed to get it, partly because I'm lazy, partly because a week of thinking about it is enough per month, and partly because I don't always get it anyway--it's all in my suitcase, which is in the trunk of Trinity's car. So while Rob would probably have just bemoaned my fate and made do with toilet paper until I could find a convenient excuse for sneaking something out of my bag. But since I was still being Toad, I found Trouble in Pax Tu and marched right up to him with a "(1) It's that time of the month again, (2) I don't have anything with me because I don't keep track, it's all in my bag, (3) so do you have anything that I could use." So I get stuff, he lets me use the Pax Tu bathroom so I don't have to use the latrines, and we have a little "this shouldn't be happening to me--sucks, huh?" bonding moment because he got his too--on his birthday no less.

So a lesson to remember: when I really need something, the silent-reluctant-observer approach just gets me misery, while the forthright-take-charge-screw-society approach gets me what I need and even a little extra.

Oh. My. God. Nickel Creek playing "Toxic" in concert.

I think that's it for now because FARSCAPE is on. I may say more later, or I may be working on my room the whole time.

I had my interview for Camp Colman today.

Tonight and tomorrow night I have my CPR and First Aid classes.

Wednesday I head to Baltimore.

I'm feeling pretty good.

I'll do Piper's song thing when I get back from my shower which I'm going to go take now.

So my plan was to have the entry about the teaching thing, and then write an entry about what I've been doing the last couple of days, and then I think there was supposed to be another entry but I can't remember what it was supposed to be for.

So I'm just going to write for awhile because I'm a little bit distracted because I'm here and everyone else is there. So the little tidbits I am getting are getting into my head and not getting out, making me smile and laugh in complete and utter astonishment, and I want to know more. And at the same time, I don't know if I get to know more or if it's even appropriate for me to ask. Sooo I'm just going to stew just a little bit longer and try not to let my imagination get away from me. And, you know, I miss you.

I should probably go to bed soon.

( Belatedly cut for length... )
I'm not really sure where I'd intended to go with that originally, but these things never end up where I think they will. However, now I simply must go to bed because it's 3AM.

-Tell me about a time when you worked with a group or individual that was challenging. What were the challanges and how did you handle the situation?

-Tell me about any experience you have had in living and working with people of diverse backgrounds. What did you find to be the biggest benefits and challenges?

-What is your most valuable asset?


I know some of you won't know these about me at all, but can I get some possibilities that may help me jog my memory? I don't really catalog things I do as "challenging experience - earmark for applications" so I'm having difficulty thinking of anything to say, and this should've been done, oh, three weeks ago, and must get done today.

I decided I would do the sensible thing and not write an entry until I've studied for my math exam.

I'm so starved for cuddles that I can't stop petting my roommate.

Her hair is awfully soft and I can't believe I never noticed that before.

But still. Petting my roommate?

Almost bad as playing Minesweeper nonstop.

I even went out to the common room yesterday after the CWIT meeting when Hariklia and Alison and Lauren were in there and offered backrubs just because I wanted to touch someone. Nobody wanted one.

Probably just my fucking body making me fucking weird.


I can't believe Jodi gave me an A. What was she thinking? I mean, I thought I did a good job on those papers, if I'd written them for the class I would have expected an A, but I turned them in months late. But hey, why argue with an A?

Time to go curl up on the bed with apple juice and study, or translate manga, or read, or work on applications, or do sudoku, or read tarot. Something. I'll feel better later tonight or tomorrow when my insides stop trying to squeeze themselves out through my crotch and just be annoyed instead of miserable. I should take a shower later because I actually went out and bought tampons.

Aaaaaaaggh.

The book I'm reading is really good though. And She Was by Cindy Dyson. I admit I liked the cover, picked it up, saw the author and read "Aleutians" on the inside cover and bought it partly because I thought it looked good and partly because I thought she might be related to George and Freeman. She's not, but it's still a good book. When I finish it I guess I'll get back to the Tin Drum.

What am I going to do for books over the summer? Logistics must be worked out. If anyone wants me to write to them over the summer, because I don't know how much access to a computer I will have, email me your address.

The ball of angst in the pit of my stomach is lessening, making me less of a ball of angst myself. I'm still going to go curl up on the bed though, since it's 4:30 and I should do some work if I want to have a hope of doing anything other than work tonight and passing my exams tomorrow.

There was something I opened up this window to say, but now I don't remember what it was.

I left the breakfast for dinner thing so I could take a nap and start homework, even though we were watching Murderball and it was really neat...but now after sitting here and eating my cookies left over from lunch that I forgot about I feel more alert, so I should do homework until I really fall asleep instead of goofing off.

I was so damned productive yesterday. And it felt good. So I'm going to keep doing that.

Why do I always waste opportunities?

But I can do this. I only had a real problem with needing to see you...twice, I think. I think I would remember if it had been many more times than that, because it had a particular sick feeling. And you know, I like to be useful. I wouldn't have wanted to see you carry all that to your car alone.

I've translated/prettified your sentences:

She's known the love of her life since the day she was born. She lives one day at a time but she's got the whole week ahead of her. All because the ladies (and gentlemen) love the Liz.

Now I ask you in return: what are mine, obviously, since you mention it, of course; and if your life were a haiku, what would it be? :P

And now I'm going to do work like a good boi.

Fuck, I have class tomorrow night again. Two presentations only, so I should get out relatively early? If we introduce the new board quick while I'm on my break it'll work...

I need me a new musical. I've been singing Guys and Dolls too much lately. Remind me to practice Rent II over the summer. I may break down and just get Wicked after all, because.

I remembered the tune to the lyrics I wrote last semester during math class. It made me happy. I only have a tune for the first two lines (or four depending on how you space them) but I'd forgotten it after I came up with it because I switched to different lyrics for awhile - this was on the rock walk the other week - but I guess I repeated it enough at the time that my brain still had it lurking around somewhere. Now I have to see if I can make it work for the rest of the song.

( These are the lines )

( The other lyrics for random )

Not sure if I'll add more verses or what. And I think the third line of the last verse is supposed to start differently but I can't remember, since I basically wrote and remember this all in my head. Tune too.

Okaythat'sgreatnowwork.