You, whom all the other gods fear

[dumblemop]

Still can't escape this Kemetic thing. Which is funny, because if I were smart, I'd go Heathen and have done with it. On the other hand, if the Aesir just don't want me, and as far as I know none have given indication that they do, I really don't want to mess with them.

Read something today: "The more you are ma'at, the less isfet instrudes in your life..." Ma'at being the Kemetic concept of rightness and order and isfet being the Kemetic concept of chaos and disorder. Which is parallel to something I have recently noticed, that 'the universe rewards me for doing the right thing.'

For example, right after I find out that I kicked ass on my Discrete final (106/100) and might get an A for the semester, I got an email about an opportunity for summer research--at UW, including housing and food, with one of the possible categories being technical Japanese. That is a ridiculous opportunity.

For jobs last summer, I started the Black Hawk application really early, but then I forgot about it. So place after place that I checked, had no positions left. But I still made the effort, and called people up and sent emails and did applications--and it paid off and I got a job.

And I was scared about taking it, and I wasn't sure I'd be good at it, but I threw myself into it as best I could. I surmounted one of my personal doubts, doing something that would be difficult for me--and out of that grew a relationship that works, despite or because of the bits that are more difficult. And it's not always easy, but I try to do my bit there too, and it just keeps getting better.

I really don't know what I want to do about work and school longterm--but I guess if I just keep going, something will turn up.

And of course, all of this could be just lines drawn in the sand; coincidence. But lately I'm finding it harder and harder to believe in coincidence.

Comments

[kamili.livejournal.com]

UW? As in in WASHINGTON? Omg, yes! You must!

[dumblemop.livejournal.com]

No, UW as in Wisconsin.

[kamili.livejournal.com]

:P

[dumblemop.livejournal.com]

No problem. ^^ It's good to bounce things off someone, and it's a bonus if they're actually likely to know what you're talking about.

1. Asatru is the other one that draws me. I haven't looked into it much lately though, so I may have to go back and do that. What's funny is that I don't drink, but I really enjoy the worship-through-carousing aspect. Plus I'm more likely to find other AsatruR to interact with face-to-face, while any interaction with Kemetics would probably be online since I don't live that close to any temples. Not that there's anything wrong with online interaction, but I like the physical community aspect. I suppose I could get my physical community fulfilled by actually attending a Unitarian church.

2. Basically, I'm shy. I don't like to shove myself in without an invitation with people, so why should I try it with Gods. But at the same time, I don't know how else I'm likely to find a path since I don't know how observant I am of invitations in the first place. Maybe I don't think I have one just because I haven't noticed it.

3. I've gone on AE kicks off and on since I was a kid. That's not really a lot by itself but it's held my consistent interest longer than, say, the Romans or Greeks. Does that make sense?

At some point last year I think I was inspired to draw Sekhmet without really knowing what I was doing. I was practicing a couple anthropomorphic cat faces, but not really expecting or intending them to look great because I was just doodling in pen. Nothing ever looks good if I use pen straight off. So on this particular page, there are two atrocious scribbles of cat-people at the top and middle, and a gorgeous drawing of a lioness at the bottom. Like, it's pretty much utterly perfect except that it started to run off the page around her mouth, and I drew it with pen without really meaning to. I have no other explanation for it.

3. Per Sekhmet, I believe. I actually have conflicting understandings of ma'at and isfet from various sources. For some, engaging in lies and deceit is a perpetuation of isfet, because ma'at is Truth. Sometimes there's a distinction between constructive chaos, being the domain of Set, and unconstructive chaos, isfet.

Others hold that isfet is a force outside of Creation, and therefore unfortunate events or disordered states are not in fact the manifestation of isfet because they are within Creation. However, I think if that's so, it doesn't make sense as a core theological concept. Maybe I'm interpreting that wrong, but it seems to suggest that if it's in Creation, it isn't isfet, and therefore it is ma'at. And what's the point of upholding ma'at if everything in Creation is ma'at?

It's kind of like the way Unitarian ministers are fond of teaching that "every day is sacred." I hate that. I'm fine with "Don't take your days for granted," but if everything is sacred, nothing is sacred. Sacredness necessitates distinction from that which is not sacred.

Ma'at and isfet are also personified as Names.

4. Yeah, seriously. I don't know how I'm doing at that though. I really don't know how well my intuition is tuned at the moment.


It's a puzzle, you see. ^^;

[dumblemop.livejournal.com]

Thanks. No problem.

I don't know. Maybe "not upholding ma'at" isn't the same thing as "perpetuating isfet," and therefore ma'at/not-ma'at is the dilemma that humans face, rather than ma'at/isfet. So instead of "if you're not for us, you're against us," it's doing your duty vs. not doing your duty. Which would allow isfet to be an unCreative force not necessarily felt in day-to-day life, something for the Gods to deal with, with the duty of the ordinary person to preserve ma'at for their own realm. Therefore a pharaoh would uphold ma'at by upholding justice in the land; but an ordinary person would not be capable of doing that to the degree the pharaoh would be, and therefore it would not be required of him to uphold ma'at in that way. He would uphold ma'at by not cheating his customers or lying to his wife.

I guess, being ma'at, the point of upholding ma'at regardless would be "because it is ma'at." However, I still feel that for there to be order, there must be disorder, or how would you know order? Before Creation, ma'at, and isfet, there was nun--nothing, the void (big surprise). Ma'at and isfet were co-created at the beginning. To move towards order, one moves away from disorder, or order lacks distinction.

If ma'at is order, isfet is necessary as chaos. If ma'at is truth, an opposing force isn't necessarily needed. But ma'at isn't one or the other, and I'm sure it's many more things as well. Kemetics aren't big on single-layered concepts.

This is confusing. Maybe I'm making it more complicated than it is. xD

[singswithtrees.livejournal.com]

I know how that can feel. I currently work with individuals from five different pantheons, and am feeling sort of lost at sea between all of them. (The five would be the Norse, Japanese/Shinto, Greek, Judeo-Christian, and Voudoun/Santeria.) The Judeo-Christianity is mostly because I was raised Catholic and my boyfriend is Jewish, the Greek because it's familiar and accessible, the Shinto because I'm fascinated with a couple of specific deities from it, the Norse because it's my cultural heritage, and Voudoun because it feels familiar and intimate to me, and because I get along very well with one or two of the loa in particular.

There are lots of reasons why I don't just go for the Voudoun/Santeria. I'm not in an area where there's a particular lot of contact with either religion, and as a very white girl, I'd feel awkward going into a botanica when I don't speak more than a few words of Spanish. I also feel as though I'm appropriating a culture that isn't mine, much the same as many Caucasian folks have done with Native American religions and beliefs, and so I keep telling myself that I ought to stick with the Aesir and Vanir. I do connect with the Norse pantheon on some level, but the draw to the Yoruba/Ifa is stronger. I'm also not that into animal sacrifice, and my boyfriend, while supportive, also doesn't care much for my leaving idols and divination tools about the house.

I'm still trying to figure things out. And while I have no clearly defined answers, it's one hell of a ride. :)

[dumblemop.livejournal.com]

Also, adding to number 3, my girlfriend has a statue of Sekhmet in her bathroom. Which is really quite unlikely, although taken into consideration with all the other random things my girlfriend and I agree on and how Sekhmet has been showing up lately, I should have expected it. I finally got to ask her about it (coincidentally while looking at another Sekhmet statue in a museum that we both beelined to at the same instant) and she's apparently had it for years and loves Sekhmet.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it though. Am I just stacking the deck at this point, you know? Aaagggh.

[dumblemop.livejournal.com]

Seriously. Deity is hard work! I hope we both figure it out--or, I suppose, come to terms with not having it figured out. :)