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May. 23rd, 2006 12:47 amI miss you.
Should've just stayed on campus.
I hate making mistakes. I can't sleep.
Call me.
Should've just stayed on campus.
I hate making mistakes. I can't sleep.
Call me.
May. 23rd, 2006
What I say three times is true.
May. 23rd, 2006 11:12 pmFive hours, 36 padiddles, and one honey packet later...I missed you on every one.
I haven't really been reading any friends' entries here for like...a week. I'll try and catch up with those tomorrow. Sorry guys.
I'm worried about my dog. I guess it was better that I came home today instead of Sunday, in the end, because Shadow is very sick. He ate some kind of toy that he wasn't supposed to the other day, and he's been coughing, and vomiting, and he's had X-rays, and he's been in the hospital. And this is just sickenly, disturbingly like the homecoming I had for Thanksgiving break for Buddy. I do not want to lose another dog in this house. I don't want to fucking lose another dog period.
When I came home for Thanksgiving break, Buddy had eaten...something. The vet had to open him up and found yards of cloth in his intestines, that's all he said. And we had Thanksgiving, and we had him for another day after that, and then he went to stay at the vet's overnight. And he never came home.
And Shadow seems okay, except for the coughing. He ate his dinner tonight. He's walking around, he's smiling, he's happy to see me. But Buddy seemed alright too, and then he wasn't. And I'm worried.
We lost Lucky the summer we moved here. He got...lymphoma or something, where his lungs were filling with fluid. I can't remember the details now. And we tried to keep him alive, for weeks, but in the end there wasn't anything else to do and he was in so much pain. And we took him to the animal hospital in Norwalk and the vet's assistant gave him the injection and he died in our arms on the examining room floor.
I guess I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight after all.
If Shadow's doing better by Saturday I'll probably go to Stephen's LAN party. I feel like I should have something to do that night and it'll be good to see them all again. If Shadow's not doing better I don't know what I'll be doing.
I should have given you what I wanted to give you when I went out to see you, but you probably didn't have time for it anyway. Always on the run, my Liz.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I haven't really been reading any friends' entries here for like...a week. I'll try and catch up with those tomorrow. Sorry guys.
I'm worried about my dog. I guess it was better that I came home today instead of Sunday, in the end, because Shadow is very sick. He ate some kind of toy that he wasn't supposed to the other day, and he's been coughing, and vomiting, and he's had X-rays, and he's been in the hospital. And this is just sickenly, disturbingly like the homecoming I had for Thanksgiving break for Buddy. I do not want to lose another dog in this house. I don't want to fucking lose another dog period.
When I came home for Thanksgiving break, Buddy had eaten...something. The vet had to open him up and found yards of cloth in his intestines, that's all he said. And we had Thanksgiving, and we had him for another day after that, and then he went to stay at the vet's overnight. And he never came home.
And Shadow seems okay, except for the coughing. He ate his dinner tonight. He's walking around, he's smiling, he's happy to see me. But Buddy seemed alright too, and then he wasn't. And I'm worried.
We lost Lucky the summer we moved here. He got...lymphoma or something, where his lungs were filling with fluid. I can't remember the details now. And we tried to keep him alive, for weeks, but in the end there wasn't anything else to do and he was in so much pain. And we took him to the animal hospital in Norwalk and the vet's assistant gave him the injection and he died in our arms on the examining room floor.
I guess I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight after all.
If Shadow's doing better by Saturday I'll probably go to Stephen's LAN party. I feel like I should have something to do that night and it'll be good to see them all again. If Shadow's not doing better I don't know what I'll be doing.
I should have given you what I wanted to give you when I went out to see you, but you probably didn't have time for it anyway. Always on the run, my Liz.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Liz sent me a link to some song lyrics just now, and I just noticed that the title of the page is in the font "Dauphin."
I used to write exclusively in Dauphin. I just had a little middle school nostalgia moment and thought I'd share.
Too bad I deleted all of that because ""robin"" wrote it.
Feh.
We were listening to Dar Williams in the car near the end of the trip and the second song on the CD is "I'll Miss You til I Meet You." I used to listen to that song every night after she stopped talking to me. I turned it into a sort of prayer that she would find the men she was looking for and forget about me. Then I stopped listening to it for a long time. It was a little bit of a shock to hear it again. The song is exactly how she used to talk about Allen. She's been there for a year; I wonder if anyone's shown up yet.
My dad played me "(Men Succeed Where Women Are) Sluts" (by Jeanne Marie Spicuzza I discover with Google) today while we were packing up. My dad surprises me sometimes. It's a great piece. I need to find more slam people.
I also need a new computer. My computer is trash and I am sick of packing, unpacking, and transporting the damn thing every year. My whole family's going Mac. At the end of winter break, I was going to get a Powerbook, a very large monitor, and a tablet. I didn't. Now my brother has a Macbook, which I haven't really looked at. It's better, but it's more expensive, so if I got the Macbook I would probably not get the monitor. I need to decide whether it's worth it and just get something already.
The house is in shambles. It doesn't really aussage my feeling of unreality. I'll need to get up relatively early (not so early in terms of school, wayyy early in terms of home) because there will be people painting the upstairs hallway and they'll need to paint the jamb of my door, and I'm not quite the exhibitionist that I really need random painters coming in on me naked. Although I didn't really have any problems when Lauren and Julie and then Chris were looking at those pictures. I'm not even sure what pictures those are...that might have had something to do with it.
I mean, hey. I'd never seen Julie before in my life, will probably never see her again, I definitely won't see Lauren again anytime soon, and Chris would probably have seen me naked eventually.
I think if Friday night hadn't gotten all unhappy there I might have had something to drink then. I was definitely toying with the idea. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed.
Shadow's asleep under the desk next to me. My poor baby.
It's funny, I'll write to no end if there's no one forcing me to do it. She used to be horribly disappointed and angry if I didn't write when I wasn't here to talk to her, but she would usually get horribly disappointed and angry with what I wrote anyway. I think it was her way of making sure that I wasn't having fun without her even by accident more than anything. I look back on some of the things I wrote and I can hardly see me in those pages. She twisted me into the scared little girl she despised.
Well...screw you.
I don't know. I guess I identify with Stephen a little bit. Kindred spirits, in a sense. Stephen's fallen in love with a straight girl, who also happens to be a bitch, but Stephen loves her just the same and won't give her any blame for this fucked-up relationship. Yeah.
Although I kind of resent the way Stephen is always being characterized, as some "queer" "creature" that isn't quite right, somehow "grotesque" even in her beauty, but somehow beautiful even in her not-right-ness, like the ugly puppy that captures your heart. And characterized this way by the author, not just in the point of view of the "normal" characters that surround her. It bothers me intensely sometimes, but I'm not really sure why.
I wish I would write things down with more consistency. I thought of some nice phrases in the car and maybe even had bits of a poem-song going but I didn't write them down and I've probably lost them.
Still can't get you out of my head--not that I'm really trying--and I miss you.
I believe I'm rambling. I should probably desist. I'm sure I'll just start another entry later.
I used to write exclusively in Dauphin. I just had a little middle school nostalgia moment and thought I'd share.
Too bad I deleted all of that because ""robin"" wrote it.
Feh.
We were listening to Dar Williams in the car near the end of the trip and the second song on the CD is "I'll Miss You til I Meet You." I used to listen to that song every night after she stopped talking to me. I turned it into a sort of prayer that she would find the men she was looking for and forget about me. Then I stopped listening to it for a long time. It was a little bit of a shock to hear it again. The song is exactly how she used to talk about Allen. She's been there for a year; I wonder if anyone's shown up yet.
My dad played me "(Men Succeed Where Women Are) Sluts" (by Jeanne Marie Spicuzza I discover with Google) today while we were packing up. My dad surprises me sometimes. It's a great piece. I need to find more slam people.
I also need a new computer. My computer is trash and I am sick of packing, unpacking, and transporting the damn thing every year. My whole family's going Mac. At the end of winter break, I was going to get a Powerbook, a very large monitor, and a tablet. I didn't. Now my brother has a Macbook, which I haven't really looked at. It's better, but it's more expensive, so if I got the Macbook I would probably not get the monitor. I need to decide whether it's worth it and just get something already.
The house is in shambles. It doesn't really aussage my feeling of unreality. I'll need to get up relatively early (not so early in terms of school, wayyy early in terms of home) because there will be people painting the upstairs hallway and they'll need to paint the jamb of my door, and I'm not quite the exhibitionist that I really need random painters coming in on me naked. Although I didn't really have any problems when Lauren and Julie and then Chris were looking at those pictures. I'm not even sure what pictures those are...that might have had something to do with it.
I mean, hey. I'd never seen Julie before in my life, will probably never see her again, I definitely won't see Lauren again anytime soon, and Chris would probably have seen me naked eventually.
I think if Friday night hadn't gotten all unhappy there I might have had something to drink then. I was definitely toying with the idea. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed.
Shadow's asleep under the desk next to me. My poor baby.
It's funny, I'll write to no end if there's no one forcing me to do it. She used to be horribly disappointed and angry if I didn't write when I wasn't here to talk to her, but she would usually get horribly disappointed and angry with what I wrote anyway. I think it was her way of making sure that I wasn't having fun without her even by accident more than anything. I look back on some of the things I wrote and I can hardly see me in those pages. She twisted me into the scared little girl she despised.
Well...screw you.
I don't know. I guess I identify with Stephen a little bit. Kindred spirits, in a sense. Stephen's fallen in love with a straight girl, who also happens to be a bitch, but Stephen loves her just the same and won't give her any blame for this fucked-up relationship. Yeah.
Although I kind of resent the way Stephen is always being characterized, as some "queer" "creature" that isn't quite right, somehow "grotesque" even in her beauty, but somehow beautiful even in her not-right-ness, like the ugly puppy that captures your heart. And characterized this way by the author, not just in the point of view of the "normal" characters that surround her. It bothers me intensely sometimes, but I'm not really sure why.
I wish I would write things down with more consistency. I thought of some nice phrases in the car and maybe even had bits of a poem-song going but I didn't write them down and I've probably lost them.
Still can't get you out of my head--not that I'm really trying--and I miss you.
I believe I'm rambling. I should probably desist. I'm sure I'll just start another entry later.
