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May. 12th, 2006 12:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dumblemopYes, so I am being slightly contemplative, but I have half an hour to kill while my retainers soak.
It's a little funny because we really are back at that stage in a way, but with half a million doors closed this time. I do miss you. I don't need 'sweet princes' and charged sign language...but I miss that. It's working somehow, because you're moving out of the "I'm in love with you" space and more into the space that Tiff and Pipe and Ulrich have, but still in your own space of Liz. Because you are that important to me, just...with a different flavor now.
And I am a little bit going crazy because I haven't heard anything from Kaitlyn. It's getting under my skin. And I know she's at home she turned her computer in and you're her first priority and she has this distance thing and it's only Thursday, but nothing? I can't deal with nothing. "Hey, this isn't working, it's over" is hard enough, "hey, this isn't working, it's over, goodbye forever" I cannot handle.
I felt bad for having to tell Tiff no tonight. But at the same time, now I know that I can say 'no' when I need to. I've never had to say it before so I never really knew if I could. But I needed to, and I did, and as sorry as I was to have to do it, it still felt good in a way.
Anyway, my retainers are done, so I'm going to get some sleep so I can get a shower before Physics. My mom's coming tomorrow--she'll ask about plans. You know, I was about to ask what I could tell her and then I realized, I don't have to, because this is in my life too. That is a truly bizarre feeling. That's not a pattern that has any relevance to my life anymore, because my life is mine. It's these fucking pictures. I need to turn them off.
It's a little funny because we really are back at that stage in a way, but with half a million doors closed this time. I do miss you. I don't need 'sweet princes' and charged sign language...but I miss that. It's working somehow, because you're moving out of the "I'm in love with you" space and more into the space that Tiff and Pipe and Ulrich have, but still in your own space of Liz. Because you are that important to me, just...with a different flavor now.
And I am a little bit going crazy because I haven't heard anything from Kaitlyn. It's getting under my skin. And I know she's at home she turned her computer in and you're her first priority and she has this distance thing and it's only Thursday, but nothing? I can't deal with nothing. "Hey, this isn't working, it's over" is hard enough, "hey, this isn't working, it's over, goodbye forever" I cannot handle.
I felt bad for having to tell Tiff no tonight. But at the same time, now I know that I can say 'no' when I need to. I've never had to say it before so I never really knew if I could. But I needed to, and I did, and as sorry as I was to have to do it, it still felt good in a way.
Anyway, my retainers are done, so I'm going to get some sleep so I can get a shower before Physics. My mom's coming tomorrow--she'll ask about plans. You know, I was about to ask what I could tell her and then I realized, I don't have to, because this is in my life too. That is a truly bizarre feeling. That's not a pattern that has any relevance to my life anymore, because my life is mine. It's these fucking pictures. I need to turn them off.
