Oh god, the long-awaited update from hell.

( Memes and stuff )

( Various musings and ruminations )

( The rest of the Baltimore trip )

I started this entry at 8:08PM, and it's now 2:40AM. My mom and my godmother are in and asleep, and my dad is asleep on the couch. So I should probably go to bed.

I do have to say one thing: That this better not be the last time we all spend together. Matt sent out a link to the Freedom officers' page because he wants something similar from this board, and there's everyone being special and beautiful and I really miss you guys. I love you all. I have all these wonderful memories now and I need to renew them periodically. Okay??? Love, Rob.

There are some things I feel like discussing or at least musing about but I'm not entirely sure that it's necessary or advisable to do it in the pretty much public forum that is my LJ. Because they're things that I should think about and work out, and although I like to be open-book at least as far as writing goes, but...I'm not sure that really applies.

I'm always struck when people observe things about me because I'm so used to being the observer. It's...interesting I guess.

( Chole made my night with this )

That's it, I either need an IM service that will save conversations automatically or I'm just starting saving everyone's myself because you all are so awesome and I am so lucky to know you. I don't count this year a waste because I've made these connections and I had a hell of a grand time. I regret the difficulties losing my scholarship will probably create for my family, but we'll deal with it; I really believe that I did what I needed to do.

My mom didn't hate my hair after all. She said it was cute. I'm not sure it really qualifies as cute, more...odd. My hair before I cut it was probably cute--Tiara said so--but I was getting a little sick of it long and I hadn't made a decision to grow it out because...that would just be weird, I think. I have trouble differentiating between what works great on other people and what works for me. Like I love long hair on other people (witness Kaitlyn, Kate, Amy, Cute LAN Girl/Allison--and there was a really cute chick across and one up from me on the train for awhile with long hair that was sort of the color of mine but with lighter highlights and it was really fine) but long hair on me doesn't work that great and it's a pain to deal with, etc. And there's a lot more like that.

Not that I don't like short or medium hair, because obviously I do (witness Liz, Chole, Johanna, Anna, Monique, Tiara, every androgynous chick ever). I think I'm people-sexual. Like I really am pan-omni-whatever because I don't really have a type and I have the capacity to be attracted to all kinds of people, but if I'm attracted to a person as opposed to just a fleeting image, aspects that I might not jump at in a stranger are intensely attractive. I feel like that's unusual in some way--like most people have something(s) about their various persons of affection that they're not really into, and I haven't really noticed that.

There's probably more that I have to say but I'll have to say it another time. I'm not sure how much I'll be on the next couple days because of packing for camp (and college because my parents thing two weeks between camp and class isn't enough), donewithmorals' graduation, my godmother being here, etc., but I'll try to slip in a few entries even if I'm not available for long conversations on AIM. Don't forget to leave your address here if you want letters from me at camp.

I know this entry is hella long so don't worry about reading or responding to it. It's just here so I have a record of events and in case anyone is interested after all. Next time I see people, someone remind me not to be so...strained.

My dad is hella snoring on the couch so I'm going to wake him up so he can actually go to sleep. Love to all. (Seriously.)

Informal poll

I need a camp name for Girl Scout camp by, presumably, Saturday. Help me out?

Just leave suggestions, maybe with some reasons why if you think they're particularly suited to me, and I'll consider them. I'm open to both serious and silly. :)

(no subject)

Short hair again does feel weird. Because I hadn't gotten it cut since maybe...Winter break? Yeah, 'cause I only get it cut when I'm home and I wasn't home at spring break long enough to do it then. The great thing is that so far the back seems to not be puffing up like it did when I cut the mullet off (oh yeah, I guess I had cut it a little)--hopefully that won't change when I wash it again--and it doesn't flip out anymore. I'd gotten used to it longer though, so it's weird to have it short. The right side is shorter than the left side, but I like the left side better so I don't want to "fix" it.

I look like I did in fourth grade, Between my class picture and Switzerland. There's a picture of me sitting on a blanket in our front yard, glaring at the camera--it's a little like that. I usually don't notice that I resemble myself as a kid, but I really do right now. I don't look particularly masculine at the moment--more boyish, since I'm reminding myself of young me. My hair grows fast. I'll probably cut it again at least once during camp.

I totally just realized that Franka Potente is both Lola and Marie. Wow. I totally missed that one.

Anyway, going to go errand with my dad. And then...laundry? Who knows.

This is beautiful.

(no subject)

I'm amused: "Being poly means you never run short of people to help you beat up other people."

I got donewithmorals's graduation present with my dad today. I think it's awesome. I think I got sir'd (as opposed to served) by one of the employees but my dad was standing next to me so I'm not sure who it was directed at.

Then we went to Borders. Yay! We really went there to get Tess of the D'Ubervilles so I could read it at camp and have an idea of it before having it as a class. It'll make me want to read A Prayer for Owen Meany again. So I get Tess and then I wander off to look for fun books. I meet my dad at the cafe fifteen minutes later than he wanted me to with a huge stack of books:

1. A Breath of Snow and Ashes, Diana Gabaldon
This is the sixth Outlander book, and I love the series, but I decided not to read it because it's still in hardback and if I read it right away I'll have to wait forever for the next one--unless, I suppose, it ends in this book, but then it would be over anyway.
2. Lord John and the Private Matter, Diana Gabaldon
So I was going to get this one, because I <3 John Grey. I almost got this one, but I could only get two and as much as I <3 John Grey, the book's only ten bucks and I'll see it again at some point.
3. The Dragon Token, Melanie Rawn
I have been looking for this book since I first moved here. I took Dragon Prince to Japan, and then I read the next three in pretty short order, but this one has never been in the bookstore whenever I go looking for it. So I got it, since it was there.
4. Kushiel's Avatar, Jacqueline Carey
This is the third Kushiel book. I love these books but I decided not to get it because if I read the last one, that'll be the end.
5. The Crystal City, Orson Scott Card
This is the sixth and I think last book in the Alvin Maker series. I started reading them when I got the first three for my 17th birthday. I decided not to get this one because it's quite a short book and I didn't feel the urgency to get it NOW.
6. A Kiss of Shadows, Laurell K. Hamilton
I adore Anita Blake but I'd never read the faerie ones for some reason. I think I just wanted to finish the vampires before I got into faeries, even though the library had both. But Kate really got me into the idea of reading them over the weekend so I thought I'd pick it up. I decided against it because the library does have them.
7. Nightseer, Laurell K. Hamilton
I stumbled across this one in the Science Fiction/Fantasy section while looking for her other books (which were filed under Horror instead). It's her debut novel and I thought it would be neat to read it, and I'd never seen it before, but it's tiny and I wasn't really sure that her first novel would compare to the rest of them so I didn't get it. I didn't really need to read it because I didn't know what it would be like.
8. Blue Moon, Laurell K. Hamilton
This is the only Anita Blake that I haven't read yet. Everything else from Laughing Corpse to Micah I've now read, but the library doesn't have this one. I decided against it because, after all, I've waited this long to read it, I've read the story that comes afterwards, I can wait a little longer to find out what happened in Tenessee. Since I started with Obsidian Butterfly because I thought it was the first one, I'm a little curious as to the allusions made in that book (because it's the one that comes right after it), but I can wait.
9. Pagan Polyamory, Raven Kaldera
I had totally forgotten that I wanted to read his books until I stumbled across this in the Magic section. So obviously I got it.
10. A Book of Pagan Prayer, Ceisiwr Serith
I just thought this was sort of nice. However, it was 20 bucks for a little book and I wasn't sure that I would ever really use it, so I didn't get it.

So he told me I could only get two, so I decided on The Dragon Token and Pagan Polyamory after another ten minutes. I looked at the tarot case but I didn't really feel like asking anyone to look in it and anyway the packages are sealed so I just peered at them through the glass. I did notice the catalog of decks above the case so I went through and took down the names of ones that looked interesting so I could remember/locate them later.

Aaaand speaking of magic and tarot and other pagan goodies--tomorrow is Midsummer, and as usual I have nothing planned. I wonder if I can scrounge something up at least as an observance if no actual workings.

This morning my mother asked me whether I thought seven was okay for dinner and my first thought was "No, I have Freedom board."

So we went to dinner when we got back from shopping at this place in the next town over. My mom and godmother swear we went there last year--I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt because I may vaguely remember being there before, but it definitely wasn't at graduation. I had a Caesar salad, mashed potatoes, and cheesecake; it was really good. Decent conversation as well. The funny thing was that I was sir'd the whole evening. I did have my binder stuff on, but I didn't really think I was passing that well, especially compared to my brother, but apparently I was. All the waiters did it. It was pretty cool.

There's something in my ear. There's always something in my ear. I get these sores or something and then wax gets stuck to them, so I try to get the crustiness out of my ear but that opens the sore so it hurts. Sorry to be gross, but it's paining me.

I hate YouTube because it doesn't let me finish any videos. I wanted to watch the Daily Show episode where Jon Stewart reams Bill Bennet because I missed it on TV, but I can't watch it all the way through. I did get to watch a segment of an earlier show dealing with gay marriage which was hilarious. And now I know where those turtlefucking LJ icons come from.

I'm going to end this entry now so I can make an attempt to go to bed, because it's 1AM. I know I won't go to bed immediately, but at least this acknowledges that I should. Love to all.