dumblemop: (love)
Still can't escape this Kemetic thing. Which is funny, because if I were smart, I'd go Heathen and have done with it. On the other hand, if the Aesir just don't want me, and as far as I know none have given indication that they do, I really don't want to mess with them.

Read something today: "The more you are ma'at, the less isfet instrudes in your life..." Ma'at being the Kemetic concept of rightness and order and isfet being the Kemetic concept of chaos and disorder. Which is parallel to something I have recently noticed, that 'the universe rewards me for doing the right thing.'

For example, right after I find out that I kicked ass on my Discrete final (106/100) and might get an A for the semester, I got an email about an opportunity for summer research--at UW, including housing and food, with one of the possible categories being technical Japanese. That is a ridiculous opportunity.

For jobs last summer, I started the Black Hawk application really early, but then I forgot about it. So place after place that I checked, had no positions left. But I still made the effort, and called people up and sent emails and did applications--and it paid off and I got a job.

And I was scared about taking it, and I wasn't sure I'd be good at it, but I threw myself into it as best I could. I surmounted one of my personal doubts, doing something that would be difficult for me--and out of that grew a relationship that works, despite or because of the bits that are more difficult. And it's not always easy, but I try to do my bit there too, and it just keeps getting better.

I really don't know what I want to do about work and school longterm--but I guess if I just keep going, something will turn up.

And of course, all of this could be just lines drawn in the sand; coincidence. But lately I'm finding it harder and harder to believe in coincidence.


Aug. 25th, 2006 10:57 pm
dumblemop: (crayons)
Some quotes I've been meaning to put up.

Torch: So how many years is it before it's murder instead of late-term abortion--sixteen, seventeen?

Toad: Bacon is one of my two favorite tastes.
Trin: ...What's the other one?
Toad: (cough) Girls.

Jade and Trin died laughing. >:)

Trin: Oh my god. I'm going to have to cook bacon all the time now aren't I? I don't eat bacon!
Toad: I can survive on other things besides bacon...

She died laughing. It was awesome.

Trin: So do your parents drink coffee?
Me: Yeah.
Trin: Okay. They're good people.
dumblemop: (cheese)
Rock on. Now I have something specific to fill in my Phish monologue with. I have to write it, and it'll take editing of course, but it'll be awesome. Although I doubt I will ever have the opportunity or courage to actually perform it, it'll be awesome.

I'm at home. I've been alternately packing and slacking. I got some done though, so that's good. Tomorrow I really do have to brave the basement, though.

I got cleats! Now I will be a proper Ultimate player and not have to play tournaments in Converse. It doesn't sound like the season will be starting for a couple of weeks though. I'm not even sure who's in charge of the team now--I don't know if Pat graduated or not. Looks like Vicious is still with us, so maybe it's him. Or if Team O! is still alive with Bullet gone. I guess we'll see.

I checked the women's cleats first, just in case--and no luck, just as I thought. For one thing the colors are ridiculous. For another thing, they didn't have any 10s in any of the four styles they carried. So I looked through the fifteen styles of men's cleats and found a pair of black-and-white 9.5s that fit. Rock. Really brings back my soccer days. I miss soccer.

I did not, however, get my new computer yet. We took too long at Sports Authority and Bed Bath & Beyond to make it to the Apple store before it closed. So I'll have to get it tomorrow.

Also, tomorrow I get my hair cut. Hm. "Short" is usually the only instructions I give, since I usually just want to get rid of the way it curls up at the sides. And then there's the dilemma of it feels weird when it's too short, but if I don't cut it really short then I have to cut it more often. Soooooo.

My mom is watching Thelma and Louise in the family room. I'm in the kitchen on her computer. My cellphone decided to inexplicably whack out on me, so I'm not entirely sure how effective a call from Trin will be, but I'm hoping.

I miss camp. I don't miss the drama, but I definitely miss the people. Well, I miss having "people" around in general, and then I miss a few very specific people. Hemlock Knoll Pact, you know who you are, and I am thinking of you.

Adriann and Tiara are awesome and we should have a roadtrip to see them--although California is significantly farther away than New York. Damn graduates.

I read Watchmen yesterday and today. Finished it about half an hour ago I guess. I really don't have a lot to say about it, I guess I'm still digesting it. It was really...I don't know. I caught a lot the first time through, I think--I definitely noticed things my brother didn't--but I'll probably have to read it again and even look things up to get all of it. But yeah, I definitely recommend it.

It'll be weird to be back at school. But good, I think. It'll be busy. I need to move-in, and reconnect with Pipe and Alison and Lauren and all the floor--and god, the new freshmen! I totally forgot about them. Well...I'm not really a scholar anymore. But at least I can be a good reverse role-model? It'll be good to see everyone again and get back into things. I'll have Freedom stuff to do, and books to buy, and classes to actually attend and actually do work for... So it's probably a good thing Booya isn't starting up immediately, so I have time to get used to my space before getting really busy.

Hee hee. I've been imagining Trin and Alison bonding over mutual worship of Coffee all day and it has afforded me much amusement.

I'm glad that my roommates are good people.

I'm glad about a lot of things. I'm happy, I'm in a good place, I have amazing and wonderful people in my life that I can learn from and give to. It's good.
dumblemop: (leash)
Oh boy. Talk about a whirlwhind of emotions the last couple of days.

Some news:

The main computer is not working so I'm alternately borrowing Mom's and [livejournal.com profile] donewithmorals. And I am just realizing that the smell giving me flashbacks is this laptop overheating and reminding me of Steve's LAN party all the way back at the beginning of the summer. Crazy. It seems like a year ago or just last week.

I'm home from camp, so now my task is basically pack everything up for school and WI. Camp was...camp was camp. Camp was fucking insane, camp was fucking amazing. That's really...all I have to say about that. I can't possibly tell every story, so I won't tell any. You'll have to get them from me in person if you want to know--since I talk now and all. :P

And...I met someone. And I'm happy. :) Really really happy. And she's amazing and beautiful and just a really cool person. And did I mention awesome and hot? And I had an amazing couple of days with her before I had to go back to CT.

I'm still trying to figure out how to mention it to my parents--well, my mom, because my dad's in WI. See, 'cause I don't know whether I should have the hard conversation first (Lindsay) or the nice conversation first (Trin). Or when I'll have time to have either properly.

But I did manage to use my interpersonal crisis management skills from camp to tell her that we value different information when meeting people and her reaction when I don't have the answers to all the factual questions she asks about my friends makes me uncomfortable and doesn't inspire me to get the information she wants next time. Which is a problem we've had for a long time.

See, because she asked me where Trin goes to school before we were even out of the train station and I had to say I didn't know. It's either something that never came up in a story, or I didn't think to ask, or I was told and I don't remember. She always wants to know that sort of thing and it's never the way I catalog people in my head. Like I had this whole conversation with my brother about how it's not the what, or the where, it's the why and the how that make the who. It means more to me to know the look on her face when she sees a shooting star, or how she stands up for her principles, or how she talks to a homesick kid for five minutes and manages to not only figure out what's wrong but get them to stop crying and go to sleep and have a good week and that she does it not just because it's her job but that it's her job because she cares--instead of what year she was born in, or what kind of neighborhood she lives in, or where she goes to school. The latter are things I'll pick up eventually, but they don't make Trin, Tricia.

Anyway, that was my philosophy lecture for the day. I don't really have much more to say because I have stuff to do and people to call. I'll do my best to catch up on people's entries but I know I won't be able to, so I'm sorry. Also, I found these gorgeous boots that I'm trying to convince my mom I should have--and anyone who knows me will be utterly shocked that I want them. O:P

Love to all.


Aug. 9th, 2006 09:44 pm
dumblemop: (Default)
Meh. Wednesday is almost over. About fucking time.

Things are ridiculous. And I can understand some of the reasoning behind it, and I can see for myself that certain things are important, but this is ridiculous. And there isn't a single person I can talk to about it, because of how ridiculous it is.

Like, I just...I don't want to judge people. And I don't want to nail people just because they're trying to get me in trouble just because they don't like me for whatever reason. And I don't want to have or cause resentment or bitterness or suspicion or whatever. I want people to be happy.

But when it becomes difficult for me to do my job because I have to constantly worry about how it looks or what people think when I have a perfectly legitimate reason for all of my actions, that's too far. And I hate being constantly on guard--that's when I start screwing up for real just because I'm so worried about how things look.

And I can't believe I'm doing this again. But this time, I think it's worth it.

Oh, P.S., I hate two-faced people. If you hate me or you object to something I'm doing, at least have the guts to let me know, instead of being nice to my face and complaining about me behind my back. Please, thank you, fuck off.

And I no longer have appropriate icons because my subscription expired. So. Deal.
dumblemop: (infinitum)
Fuck camp drama.

That's all I have to say about that.

I got to kayak this week! It was awesome.

I don't know. There's stuff going on but I don't really feel like writing about it. Just living it is enough. Ask me sometime if you want to know stories because guess what--I actually talk now. :P Sometimes.
dumblemop: (raw1)
I'll be on camp this weekend. It's all good. Clearly it's a sign, I'm meant to stay here, I just don't know why yet.

Anyway, thank you to everyone I bothered. It would have been nice to see y'all, but. :)

I'll write about stuff at some point.

Oh, some good news! One, Mad River went to the big bosses and they've decided that whatever pronouns someone wants to use are fine. So at least that's our comfort dealt with. Two, I'm on the kayak camp next week!! I'm so excited. :D I haven't kayaked in so long.

Also...I'm definitely getting sick. I've caught the Conowingo Plague.

Thursday's quote of the day--
Mad River: Mad River to Trinity, can you bring down some fans from Pax Tu for the dining hall?
Trinity: I'm revoking ALL of their lesbian cards, all of them! Camp full of lesbians and I'm the one hauling shit around.

I Trin. :)
dumblemop: (lighthouse)
It's been a long week, and it's only Wednesday. Well, at least things haven't been boring, huh?

Apparently some people have been complaining that Trinity has been playing favorites with Jade and me--because of the whole Jade-and-Toad-are-twins-and-Trinity-is-their-mom story thing--maybe. Honestly, because all of this comes through convoluted channels so nobody knows who specifically is complaining, it's all very confusing. And upsetting. That's one thing.

The other thing is that apparently, Council has recommended/decreed that all staff be referred to as "she." We're all so pleased.

And you know, I'm not even that upset about it for myself--I was never expecting to get anything else, and although I may have gotten spoiled by getting the treatment that I prefer, I was prepared for the alternative when I took this job.

However, I am upset about it on principle. We preach safe space hard and fast around here--how can we claim that camp is a safe space for kids if it's not also safe space for the counselors? I even told Trinity that it was the single thing that made me feel most welcome, that she used male pronouns for me almost automatically. And it's ridiculous to bring it up now, because we're halfway through the sixth session. And it's ridiculous anyway. I always thought the Girl Scouts were better than the Boy Scouts--I even described it that way to someone, "it's sort of like the Boy Scouts, only much cooler." But if this is going to be their un-official official position--because it's not like they're making an official statement that gender identity is either worthless or important, either way--then I don't think I'm cool with that.

And I'd been seriously thinking that this was something I could do for awhile. Like sure, there are things I don't agree with or that I think could be done better--I'd get that anywhere. But I feel safe here. And this is something I can actually do, and it's fun and it's challenging and it's good for the kids. But if this is going to be their attitude...

And really, it does bother me for myself. Because as much as it doesn't matter which pronouns I get for most people, I think it would really bother me if certain people suddenly had to switch to female. Guess who.

And really really, it bothers me because all of this is breaking Trin's heart.

This is my life.
dumblemop: (leash)
I had an interesting weekend.

Friday I was supposed to be on the Towson bus because that was how I'd gotten back to camp on Sunday--but it left without me.

Token got in a car crash--she's fine, but the van was totalled and the other party(ies) had to be helicoptered out.

One kid didn't get picked up until 9pm, so Jade and I hung out with her for awhile and watched Labyrinth. Best movie ever. Jade didn't even know who David Bowie was. It was disappointing.

Then those of us going left for Trinity/Mad River's house so they could shower and change. We didn't get to the bar until like, midnight-fifteen and stayed until two. I, of course, sat/stood around and watched, but it was still fun. I met some of Trin's friends.

There was fighting on the way back to the house. We were supposed to go to breakfast with some of Trin's friends but we didn't. So I watched some of St. Elmo's Fire with Trin and then we went upstairs to have breakfast at 4am. (Bacon...... :D) Then we all went to sleep.

Saturday I didn't wake up unti about 2pm. Then we went to Artscape. That was pretty cool. We walked around the little booths for awhile--there was one filled with books (random sci-fi books for 50 cents!) that I was eying but you know how I hate holding up the group, so I didn't stop and when we went back later it had closed up because of the rain.

We saw the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra play and it was fucking AMAZING. First they did this industrial waltz thing that was so cool. And then they played a piece that one of the musicians had written, which he played his part on some kind of synth woodwind that was awesome. Then there was an Ireland/Appalacia/Texas fiddle tune medley, and then she played a piece on an ELECTRIC VIOLIN. I saw her playing with it before the conductor introduced the next piece and I was all "*gasp* OMG is that what I think it is??" and it WAS. And then the bassoon section came back in for the last piece dressed as Hell's Angels, because that was what the piece had been inspired by. It was so fucking cool.

Then we had food at XS. I was lusting after Mad River's avocado maki but I didn't ask for one--but we shared the edamame. It was a pretty cool place. I had breakfast food. Our waitress was cute. She had a violin or a cello or something tattooed on her spine, and stars tattooed just inside her shoulders--like, underneath her collarbone, but out to the sides? Just inside the straps of her top.

Then we went back and watched a band play. It sounded like it was called G-lah or G-love or something--I wasn't too clear. Trin tried to get me to dance. Yeah no. But it was fun.

I've discovered something about the things I can and can't do though. I can't dance with anyone I'm not dominant to. Like I'm not dominant to Liz or Jo or Chole or anyone in that group, so I wasn't doing too well at Pride. And I'm not dominant to Mad River or Trinity or Captain Planet, so dancing on Friday or Saturday was not happenining, not to mention that Trin's friends are intimidating, Mad River makes me nervous, and I kind of have to keep my eyes off of Trin when she's dancing or I'll just stare. I could "dance" at the luau the other week and at the Pax Tu party this week because I'm dominant to the kids, and I act like a freak around Piper all the time because I'm equal or dominant to her too. Not that I've tested it, but I could probably dance with Jade because I'm dominant to her--I have to be so she doesn't suck me under. It's an interesting theory.

Then we went back to their house and we watched American Splendor. I hadn't heard of it before but the movie was horrible and hilarious, with a mix of actors, drawings, and the real people. Then Mad River and Captain Planet went back upstairs and Trin and I watched most of Tomb Raider--except I wasn't paying much attention to the movie after the first five minutes because Trin decided to give me a backrub. Then I was falling asleep so we went to bed.

In the morning we left late. And then we had to go pick up Angelfish because he said something to piss off the girl who was giving him a ride and she left him on the side of the road.

So, now I'm back at camp and the weekend's over. I'm with Red Bull and the ITs again this week, so that shouldn't be too bad. Especially since they'll be placed with units most of the time or up at the barn, so I'll get to float around to other units and fill in where I'm needed, like Thursday.

Thursday the ITs spent the whole day in CPR training so Red Bull and I helped in the office and with coverage for the other units. Thursday was interesting. Thursday was Halloween--Jade decided that we were going to be Morticia and Gomez Adams. So since I didn't have any other options I agreed. It was pretty fun. Then we had a midnight swim with the Mermaids and the hiking group. I got a shower afterwards. So I didn't really have a break, but I did.

Jade was upset. I'd basically just finished lecturing her about not taking a proper break, when I turn around and don't have a break after she has her two hours. Yeah. You know you're pretty far gone when your rationale for not taking a break is "If she goes to bed even fifteen minutes earlier it'll be worth it."

Yeah. I'm crazy. I'm sorry, I just can't help being attracted to the do-it-all free-spirit types. And Jesus does Trin ever remind me of Liz. I made Liz buttons last Sunday, "Tell me a story," "Thoughts: GO!" and "All because the ladies love the Liz," and Trin takes my discarded Thoughts: GO! (it was off-center) and pins it to her backpack. And then Friday while we were waiting around for Mad River to figure out what to wear, she comes out with "So, tell me a story." I claim not to have a type--and while I don't have specific preferences for the average girl I think is hot, I apparently have a certain kind that pushes my buttons when I'm actually interested in someone.

I had a nightmare about Lindsay Friday night. It was awful.

But yeah, minus the fighting and the the nightmare, it was a great weekend.

This is where I shake my head, wink, giggle, and don't reveal the parts I've left out. ;-)
dumblemop: (yogurt)
Thanks a lot, Liz. While I was in denial I wasn't thinking about it all the damn time. :P

I got the best present ever from my secret buddy last night. It's this really adorable dragon puppet. Betty named it Frog. :D I keep sneaking it out of my bag and playing with it. :DDDD

This week is holiday week, so yesterday was the whole camp's un-birthday and today is Christmahanukwanzakah, basically. So Santa came to breakfast. Trin was like "Go get Jade, I want a picture of my kids with Santa." Because apparently, on top of Jade and I being twins, Trinity is our mom. She has a pin now that says "Toad and Jade are my BABIES!" that Jade made. I'm working on one for her that'll have all the Matrix code behind her name but actually correct, because she has a similar one only it has the wrong alphabet.

Yeah, yeah, shush.

Anyway. I will probably be in Baltimore again this weekend because it's third Friday and thus terribly significant what with the high percentage of the staff and I have been invited by Trinity. Lol, so my dorky "I've seen you before. I saw you last week--you were Rainbow Brite *sheepish grin*" has apparently convinced that group that I'm a trustworthy off-camp companion.

I don't know. There are a lot of undercurrents that I miss.

Also, I hate it that everyone here assumes that I don't like boys. I was watching Patch Adams a little earlier and I squealed when I saw Alan Tudyk because I didn't know he was in it and Jade said something like "Walking back into the closet, Toad?" Like okay, I like girls, I like girls a lot--but that doesn't preclude the possibility of me liking boys. Jesus people.

The Brownies are having a "fairy jamboree," according to Trouble, and they're all so adorable.

So this week is holiday week, and Thursday is fall holidays--including Halloween. Jade wants to be Morticia Adams and have me be Gomez. She has a shirt for me. And it's not like I have any other options because I didn't know it was holiday week, but...I don't know. It just bothers me a bit. Too bad Foliage doesn't have anymore black hairdye or I probably could be convinced to dye it. Although then I would be stuck looking terribly emo for the rest of the summer.

I always wanted black hair when I was a kid. Or red hair--I really wanted red hair.

I'm going to let Margarita on now and go back to the movie.

I really do not want to be sucked into being Jade's nursemaid but I feel like a complete bastard if I do anything else. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I asked her not to tickle me with campers around (she runs up behind me and grabs my stomach--it's not even really tickling because it's too quick and too hard and it actually kind of hurts) because I don't want to provide an example to them that attacking people is okay. And I almost, almost took it back because of her reaction. Almost. She trained me well.

Anyway. Love to all as always. :)
dumblemop: (cheese)
It's been a long week )

Anyway. I've been writing this for two and a half hours and I don't think I have much more to say. I'm at Liz's apartment alone for the night because she's got a show and then she's spending time with her dad, which is why I'm writing this. Sorry to Liz that I signed you out.

I'll check in again during the week, and in a little bit I'll catch up on friends' entries, but for now I'm going to get off the computer and read. No comments necessary if you just don't have the energy after reading all of that--if you even made it this far. ;)

Love to all as always.
dumblemop: (noes)
Okay. I've got, like, five minutes because this computer is so slow.

So obviously, since it's been awhile since I had any contact with anyone, I've got stories to tell, and no time to tell them.

Last week was fine. Only three days worth of campers, no problems, it was all good. I had a great time working with Pinky, Narcissus, and Panda. They're like the coolest people ever.

The weekend was...interesting. Trinity, Trouble, and Mad River make me nervous because I don't know what they think of me. I went to Claymate's house with Jade, and I finally got to see Ocean's Eleven. It was pretty good, but I like Twelve better. And Twelve was even better with everything from Eleven to help it make sense. Anyway.

So we didn't even finish Eleven but still stayed up until about three a.m.--laughing, cuddling, and being silly, basically. Because apparently, Jade is also cuddly. So that was nice. I got my neck scratched. :)

Saturday we slept until 2, lounged for awhile, took showers, went out to TGIFridays to pretend it was Jade's birthday. Then we went back to Claymate's house and finished all the movies.

Then we weren't sure what to do, because we still had laundry, it was 10:30, and staff meeting was 10 the next morning. We decided it would be a great idea to find Victor/Victoria at Walmart (because it hadn't been at Blockbuster) and watch it in the staff house while we did our laundry. We didn't think about the fact that everyone who had gone to the beach that day would be in the staff house. That was kind of where it all went to hell.

Basically, Claymate is not well at all, Jade got no sleep, and I got about five hours. Sooooo today was fun.

Good news, I have a button that says "[Angelfish] ♥ me" from Angelfish and one that says "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal" from Pinky. I gave her back one that said "Mine is an evil laugh." Yay Firefly.

Yeah. I'll probably say more in letters to people because my breaks over. I sent some letters out on like Thursday, so write back so I have something to do!

Love you all.
dumblemop: (infinitum)
meme )

We got my dad an iPod speaker system for Father's Day. He liked it. On the card's envelope, I put:

My dearest darlingest (Momsie and) Popsicle... (in purple cursive with flowers dotting the i's)

My dear Father... (in black print)

My dad is clueless on Wicked but I was amused.

It's totally 2AM now instead of 10:45 like when I started this entry. I left it open while I watched Batman Begins (killer movie) because I thought I had something else to day, but I guess I don't really.

I don't know. There were some things I was thinking slash worrying about a little, but I think I'm okay about them now. Really okay, not just "what, really, are my other options" okay. I think someimes I sell myself short in my relationships with other people, and sometimes I read and think too much into things. That and I am silent as the grave unless fiercely prodded. I'm working on all of those things. I did promise myself I would be braver.

That and it's partly that I'm lacking cuddles. After intense doses I tend to run down a little without them. Then I kind of write them out of my life during the drought to survive and when I get another dose I'm incredulous at what I was missing. Save me from self-isolation and people with bubbles.

I haven't used this icon in awhile. Says something, don't it? I think it's fitting at this moment though.

Tomorrow I go back to camp so communications will be few and far between again--unless I get off my ass and try this voicepost thing out. Take care, everyone. Love to all. :)
dumblemop: (cheese)
Okay, so a semi-real entry today, although not much of a one because it's rather late and there's stuff I have to be doing tomorrow. Stuff like getting Father's Day gifts and finishing my room.

I went to an absolutely wonderful play tonight with my parents. The Drawer Boy by Michael Healey. It has three actors, it's set in Canada, and it's beautiful. It's hilarious, and poignant, and it's real even though it's ridiculous.

Something I just remembered after reading a totally unrelated [livejournal.com profile] mialamu entry: when Ben (Liz's-new-roommate-Kate's Ben) was giving me a tour of his house, he offhandedly mentioned his Illuminati game. And I was going, I've heard that name before, but where...? and then I remembered. I played it with Lindsay and Jon and [livejournal.com profile] nimue9 and [livejournal.com profile] veganstatesbest and [livejournal.com profile] kamili and others--possibly Paul, Kayla, [livejournal.com profile] mialamu, and [livejournal.com profile] twoscoopsofruit?--the first time I was in Chapel House, maybe the second or third week of school. I remember being horribly confused by the game, and horribly awkward around people who knew each other very well but I didn't know so well, but very glad to snuggle with Kris. :) And I had totally forgotten said memory until Ben mentioned the game.

I think teaching may not be such an incomprehensible choice after all. This week at camp didn't really feel like work for some reason. I felt invincible. When she picked me up at the train station, my mother asked, "So were you just a camp counselor goddess?? :D" and I cringed--but the concept isn't that far off the mark. Not that I'm an amazing counselor, because I was totally out of my depth in dealing with some of the stuff we had, just that it seemed to fit me somehow.

I mean, I was definitely eager for my two hours of break time every day by the end of the week, but the intervening time didn't feel like work like cleaning my room or reading my Physics textbook does. I had a splitting headache Thursday afternoon and evening, but I was an energetic Toad right through it. It's frankly a little ridiculous. We'll see if I feel the same way by the end of the summer.

I feel different at camp. Bolder. At least around the kids--I'm pretty much the usual Rob around just the staff. It was really interesting watching myself subside into my regular self as I left camp on Friday. It was also interesting to hear similar things that Liz always says to me coming out of Trinity's mouth. She didn't say them like Liz does, but it was the same basic "Rob never speaks; he should speak more" concept.

Trinity is a puzzle. Not once has she used female pronouns in reference to me. And I am dead serious, not once. Like, am I that obvious? Or is she just good at recognizing the signs because of who her friends are?

There was a lot of gender stuff going on this week. I got a huge kick out of it too. I was highly amused because two of the counselors are Charm City Boys. I was asked twice to my face by campers if I was a boy, and apparently other counselors were also asked about me. And half the staff had adopted male pronouns by the end of the week after numerous "mistakes" made it obvious that I didn't mind in the least. We played the "switch with me" game Thursday night and someone called out "Switch with me if you're a girl"--so there's me, blithely not moving an inch while everyone else looks for another pair of shoes. The kids are mostly like "what the hell" and the staff are mostly "yeah, so?" about it. And I'm not the only one.

Yeah, so to all the crew who were like "Girl Scout camp? WTF?" when I told y'all about it--this is fucking awesome.

I don't really know how I feel about pronouns in general. From strangers, I'm tickled pink to get assumptions that I'm male and disappointed/annoyed as hell to get assumptions that I'm female. From friends, either one is fine, but interestingly. I don't mind female pronouns from friends like the CWIT crew; I expect it, I'm used to it, it just suits those relationships. Female pronouns from my brother don't rankle because despite my non/gender-ness I don't think we have a brotherly relationship. (My parents are a different story because it makes me feel like they don't care--which I know is ridiculous because it's my responsibility to say something if it bothers me and I haven't.) Male pronouns from the FA crew make me feel...safe. And now it's the same with camp. It's very odd. I feel protected, sheltered when people use hes instead of shes. It's a feeling like being stroked on the head.

Another thing about camp is that the lines of drama have already been drawn after three weeks of contact--but I've missed two of those weeks, so I'm not included in them. So I'm not fighting with anyone yet, as far as I know. I get all the sides because people vent to me as neutral territory. I actually like that. I'm not very good at giving feedback and I don't like it when people expect me to take sides, but I like knowing what's going on. I guess I'm just a hopeless gossip. :P

I hope the rest of the summer continues as well as the first week went, despite all of the issues there were to deal with. One thing I do know is that I'm suffering from a serious dearth of cuddling. After that intense weekend of cuddling, I was busy getting ready for camp for that week, and then busy at camp the next week, and I haven't gotten any cuddles since. Trouble did this weird thing Friday morning at flag ceremony where he sort of snuggled into my side and put his head on my shoulder--which was nice but how the hell do you react to that? And Dragonfly sort of hugged me Thursday night and I think she kissed the top of my head in the process?--which was also nice but how the hell do you react to that? But what really made me realize that I need some cuddling is that one of my campers touched my necklace because she was admiring it and I caught my breath a little because I wasn't expecting it.

I just want to curl up in a pile with someone(s) and relax. Obviously there are a few someones who are high on the list but I'll take cuddling from whoever.

I think that's about it for tonight because it's 3AM and I didn't really want to stay up so late. I'm sleepy and I shouldn't be exhausted for going back to camp--because although I go to bed earlier and get more sleep than I do here, it's not as good sleep on those damn cots. Tomorrow I will most likely be pretty busy but I think there are a few more thoughts bouncing around in here.


Jul. 1st, 2006 01:57 am
dumblemop: (peace)
It should be obvious that I'm at home because I'm posting at 2AM.

I need to go to bed because a week of looking after 24 Juniors and Cadettes when I have no experience in child supervision has taken its toll. It's funny, but it never really seemed like work until I was taking a break. More on that later.

By that, I mean that I will be going to bed and tomorrow I will expand on the week as I haven't had a chance to do that in a couple of days, and I will also catch up on friends' LJ entries I've missed in the last couple of days.

I will be at home until sometime in the afternoon of July 4th. Then I'll be going back to camp. I don't know when I'll be home again, but I will be free on the weekends.

No one's gotten any letters from me yet because I didn't bring stamps and I didn't have much time to write this week. Next week I should be more into the swing of things in order to take time when I can. I do have four letters finished that I will send when I find stamps, and the other seven will follow as soon as possible.

I need a backup tarot deck to take to camp. After the 4(0) days and nights of rain this week, I don't want to keep my primary (gift) deck at camp so it doesn't warp. Anyone have any suggestions?

That's all for now. :) Love to all.


Jun. 26th, 2006 04:42 pm
dumblemop: (crayons)
It's interesting having to be ON all the time. I haven't really experienced that before. I don't know whether, having experienced it, I'll be able to actually do my work next semester because I'm good at keeping track of things and doing what needs to be done, or I'll just be so sick of it by the end of the summer that I'll do nothing at all.

So it's my second day of working and I haven't lost any kids yet. I'm on "Three For Me," with 24 11-13-year-olds, in the second-farthest unit from main camp. I knew everyone's names by last night--all my kids, anyway. I'm still working on some of the counselors.

I'm working on letters. I started them Saturday night because I had nothing else to do, and then I haven't had any free time since to finish or send them.

This place is definitely a den of lesbians. I'm amused. I've counted seven so far.

I finally decided on Toad. Now I just need to learn how to respond to it in less than three tries.

It's been raining almost nonstop since Saturday afternoon. The pond overflowed last night so we had to wade through knee-deep (on the girls) water to get to breakfast this morning, as well as numerous puddles. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from main camp to Bald Eagle, and we've already done it like six times today. Wading through puddles every time. My feet look like they belong to a corpse because they've been sitting in water all day.

I think I'm doing pretty well though. I started to shut down about an hour and a half ago, though, when I was supposed to have a break but couldn't. There's a girl in my unit who's got some issues and in any group she's in we need one counselor to keep an eye on her and one counselor to watch the others, so when we split up for archery and horses, and I was supposed to take my break, I had to walk with Margarita to the stables so she wasn't alone.

Other than that, life is life. Also, I'm always hungry. I guess because I'm always walking. I just keep eating and eating. I finished off a bowl of ham bits and a bowl of cheese gratings that were supposed to go with scrambled eggs after I'd had my eggs and hashbrowns because I was so hungry. I was so hungry I actually ate hashbrowns.

Oy. Yesterday was so crazy that I don't even know what the rest of the week will be like. But I'm alive and it's a good experience and it's fun for the most part. I can deal with 11-13-year olds. It's 2-year-olds that give me trouble (sorry Declan).

I really pimped out the button maker yesterday...I have a button that says TOAD but has a horrible drawing (mine) of a frog, a button that says DON'T PANIC, and a button with a rainbow(-ish) on it. And I made myself a rainbow spiral knot choker out of embroidery floss, and a hemp choker that I put my tiger kanji pendent on. So now I'm wearing three necklaces (with my dragon necklace), plus my staff ID.

When I put on my staff shirt on Monday, Mad River said, "Oh, you look cute in orange." So I guess, since she's like the fourth person to say that, orange is a good color for me. o_o

I hope I can get people to ease up around me.

Anyway, I should probably get going. I hope everyone is well. :)


Jun. 24th, 2006 12:36 am
dumblemop: (yogurt)
So. I totally don't have time to write about what I did today, because most of my day was spent doing it and now I have no more day.

Tomorrow I get on a train to Baltimore at 10. Four hours later I will be in someone's car headed to camp. An hour later I will be at camp. From then, who knows.

I've got ten people's addresses to write to. If you're not on that list yet and want to be, leave me a note here. You'll be in the second round of letters though, because I don't know when I'll manage to be on the internet next.

Everyone must have a killer summer so I can hear all your stories in letters and when I get back.

Cheers and Love. :)
dumblemop: (cheese)
I need a camp name for Girl Scout camp by, presumably, Saturday. Help me out?

Just leave suggestions, maybe with some reasons why if you think they're particularly suited to me, and I'll consider them. I'm open to both serious and silly. :)


dumblemop: (Default)

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