Whoa.

May. 22nd, 2007 04:39 pm
dumblemop: (love)
I've tried to form this tidbit into a cohesive sentence a couple times now, and I can't find the exact proper way to put it. So bear with me.

Last night, I think the concept of having kids really hit home for the first time.

Up until about last year, I never wanted them. Before the trans thing came on the scene, I didn't really see myself as a parent. No adolescent girl maternity dreams. When I played House, I was the dog. Then I realized I was trans and and was SO not about the whole birth thing--which wouldn't rule out adoption, as I don't place an emphasis on "having your own kid" over adopting (an adopted child IS your kid--if they're not, why are you a parent?), but still just...didn't want kids.

When I was trying to work out what kind of a transition I wanted, not wanting kids was a factor. I would usually come to the conclusion that I wanted to go up to but not including genital surgery--i.e., hormones, chest surgery, and hysterectomy. Ian would caution me, "Sure you don't want kids now but what if your biological clock turns on?" and "What if you have kids? You wouldn't be able to breastfeed them." My response to that was that if I was making concerted efforts to quell the effects of female hormones on my system, it would be unlikely that an urge to bear children would strike me. If I really did end up wanting kids, I would adopt. Why would I let a supposed biological imperative trump the needs of kids without a home?

But it wasn't a real thing. It was very definitely an if, and a tiered one at that. If I transitioned, and then if I really really wanted kids, I could adopt.

Something Liz said after we broke up: "Besides, can you really see yourself raising a kid with me and Kaitlyn?" And I acknowledged the probable truth of this.

I spent last summer at camp for several reasons. I loved camp as a child and was forcibly distanced from it in high school. I needed a job. I was thinking I might want to teach, and wanted to see whether I could handle even being a counselor. I ended up loving being a counselor, and I think I was a pretty good one. But there is a huge difference between taking care of a child for a week and being its parent. And the Brownie camps (the youngest girls we had) were always my last choice and I had my best weeks working with the CIT/WITs (the oldest girls we had).

Last night, as my plane flew over some unknown Milwaukee suburb, the thought came into my head, "I want a house. I want my kids to be able to play outside. I want a dog. I want woods. ...wait, back up--what?"

I wonder where it came from.

Mish-mosh

Feb. 5th, 2007 10:07 am
dumblemop: (Default)
I believe I need to scan multiple things and upload them to Deviantart in the near future. I want to finish my Stat reading first and look at the questions for next week before having to split for lunch, Involvement Fest, and choir.

I could've sworn I'd scanned my Sekhmet but I guess I hadn't. A couple people on the HoN boards said they liked it. *waves to new friends* *pets drawing* I think I will probably crop it and put the full page in Scraps and the important bit as a deviation.

I've also got some other things in my art binder that I'd forgotten about, so I will scan and post those.

I mostly goofed off yesterday, but I got to talk to the HoNers some more, finally opened up Photoshop and did some work, read for Stat, and pretty much finished the FA website.

Only problem is I'm having some trouble getting the new version to display. I FTP'd the files into a separate folder on our student orgs webspace that you wouldn't be able to get to without knowing the extension so the board could look at it before posting it for real, but the pages are just blank. It knows there's something there, because it doesn't say it can't find the file, but nothing shows up. So I don't know if it's a problem with my files or with the FTP client or what. I guess I can try to just code a normal test file in TextEdit and upload that to get some clues.

I used iWeb because I'm lazy and we needed a new website fast. Any tips would be appreciated.

The statistics book is really not that interesting. It's a class designed for scientific majors, and the introduction was like "research shows that students are more interested when working with real data rather than patently fabricated scenarios." So all the examples are things like lifetimes of lighbulbs and how many years people have owned their cars and so on. Sorry, that's not really that interesting. I've caught up on the reading though, and I'm almost done pre-reading the section we're covering on Tuesday.

That leaves reading for Philosophy, looking over the lesson in JSL some more, I should write a composition, looking for the JWL book, and reading for comp sci so I'm not totally lost on Tuesday.

I'm so happy to have proper art software again. iPhoto is fine for adjusting contrast when I take crap photos, and Preview is fine for viewing any image as well as taking screenshots, but their editing capability is just not there. *pets Photoshop* Yesterday I started work again on Crimson's commission, and when I finished touching up the lineart I realized that he never told me or I don't remember and can't read the chat logs, what colors he wanted it to be.

So I've moved onto Audi's commission and I've picked up another one for Lyrim because he will pay me. xD In Gaia gold, but still. Eventually I will probably have a list of Gaian prices and Real Money (tm) prices. I also really want to try my hand at those fursona plushies I meant to make last year but could never get to a fabric store. If Kee, Shino, and NG turn out well, (although I don't know what I'd do with the Shino one at this point), I could potentially make some money off of making them for other AFGers. Ruby also wanted me to make her an Urahara plushie and lifesize hat for her. I sent her a note on MSN asking if she still wanted it. I don't have a sewing machine so I don't know if I would be able to make the hat sturdy enough, since I was thinking I would make it out of canvas and paint it. We'll see. Guess it could be a good ice-breaking experience for Abby to teach me how to borrow her machine? xD

I've pretty much accepted this Kemetic thing by this point, but now the question becomes go along by myself as best as I can manage, or take the beginner's class at Kemet.org? I don't know. I guess I can wait four months instead of four days to get up enough courage and information to ask my parents.

My room is a mess. My parents sent me four boxes of stuff I didn't have room to bring back with me, and now I don't have room for it here. It should've been an indication to me when I wasn't going to be able to fit it in my bags. Also my mom sent more stuff than I'd asked for; some of which was nice like chocolate, some of which just clothes I'd left behind for a reason. Like my bathrobe: I have my yukata here for when I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and can't be naked, and when I take a shower I just use a towel and it's much more convenient. I left the bathrobe at home so I don't have to take it back and forth with me on breaks. Also a purple sweater that I've worn twice and felt intensely uneasy in both times, and I'm pretty sure I explicitly gave it to my mother because I didn't really want it. It's a nice sweater, it's just so not me.

I don't know. Whatever. I need to get a bookshelf and more hangers. Then I can put a lot of my crap on the bookshelf, including the crap that's ontop of my dresser at the moment, and hang up my extraneous shirts that are also currently on the dresser because they won't fit in the dresser. Some of them I will probably take to Trin's place so I don't have to bring clothes back and forth as much.

My hair is actually behaving itself lately, which is amazing. It also might have something to do with the fact that now I'm washing it every two or three days and rinsing it in between, as opposed to a shedule more on the order of weeks. >_>;

I don't know why I always take such long breaks from writing in here. I used to write in it all the time. Well, especially when I was dating Liz and Kaitlyn, I guess. With those/that relationship(s) though, I just kinda put it all out there when I wrote in here, which I'm less inclined to do with Trin. I'm not really sure what the difference is, though. I'd say that Trin and I talk about a lot with each other, but Liz and I talked a lot too. I don't know.

I'd also like to get over Lindsay now, plzthnxbai. I pulled one of Trin's shirts out of the laundry bag to put in the washer, and the shirt happened to be made of the same material that all of Lindsay's peasant shirts were, and I nearly went into full blown panic--just from feeling the shirt. I also "feel bad" for things like having to do homework when Trin's around. With Lindsay I wouldn't have done it because she would've yelled at me or hurt me or done any manner of other horrible things. But it doesn't have anything to do with thinking Trin will react like that. I would just rather do homework when she's not there; but that doesn't mean I actually do which is the problem. I don't know.

I'm hungry. I'll get lunch soon. I have to man the table at noon so I'll head over a bit early and get food to eat there. I'll look for the JWL book too. After choir I'll take the bus to Trin's school. I won't make the 2:00 so I'll have to take the 3:45. Oh well, I'll get some work done I guess. I need to remember to bring blank paper with me places now--or I guess I can really start using my sketchbook finally. This'll be fun. :)

I'm not sure what else I really have to say at the moment so I guess. >_>;
dumblemop: (leash)
So I got back from Switzerland last week. It was really awesome except my brother was in bed with strep throat for about seven of the ten days we were there. But I got some cool stuff and saw amazing things. Maybe I'll post some pictures at some point. Ask me if you want stories, I'm a little tuckered out right now.

See, I just got over tonsillitis, which I was pretty much immobilized with as soon as we got back, which is why I didn't update right away. Penicillin and extra-strength Tylenol saved the day.

Trin just visited for the weekend. :D It was awesome, although fraught with interesting complications. Such as, me being contagious and in pain right when she's supposed to come and we haven't seen each other in three weeks, and her flights BOTH WAYS being canceled and rescheduled for the next day. But it was wonderful to have her here.

So now I'm alone at the house. My parents are at work, my brother went back to the east coast early (but would have gone back today anyway), and Trin is waiting at the airport for her flight because my dad needed to drop her off on his way to work. So, as usual, I'm tinkering around on the internet, and the subject of my wanderings as often of late is Sekhmet.

It's like, am I just stacking the deck at this point? Am I crazy, or making ridiculous connections? I finally got a chance to ask Trin about her Sekhmet statue--while we were in the art museum, looking at another statue of Sekhmet that we had both made a beeline for at the same instant.

So Im just mystified, awed, and don't know what to do next.

Thank god I've only got four more nights away from my girlfriend.
dumblemop: (love)
Still can't escape this Kemetic thing. Which is funny, because if I were smart, I'd go Heathen and have done with it. On the other hand, if the Aesir just don't want me, and as far as I know none have given indication that they do, I really don't want to mess with them.

Read something today: "The more you are ma'at, the less isfet instrudes in your life..." Ma'at being the Kemetic concept of rightness and order and isfet being the Kemetic concept of chaos and disorder. Which is parallel to something I have recently noticed, that 'the universe rewards me for doing the right thing.'

For example, right after I find out that I kicked ass on my Discrete final (106/100) and might get an A for the semester, I got an email about an opportunity for summer research--at UW, including housing and food, with one of the possible categories being technical Japanese. That is a ridiculous opportunity.

For jobs last summer, I started the Black Hawk application really early, but then I forgot about it. So place after place that I checked, had no positions left. But I still made the effort, and called people up and sent emails and did applications--and it paid off and I got a job.

And I was scared about taking it, and I wasn't sure I'd be good at it, but I threw myself into it as best I could. I surmounted one of my personal doubts, doing something that would be difficult for me--and out of that grew a relationship that works, despite or because of the bits that are more difficult. And it's not always easy, but I try to do my bit there too, and it just keeps getting better.

I really don't know what I want to do about work and school longterm--but I guess if I just keep going, something will turn up.

And of course, all of this could be just lines drawn in the sand; coincidence. But lately I'm finding it harder and harder to believe in coincidence.

so....

Dec. 24th, 2006 12:45 pm
dumblemop: (love)
So I've been writing emails to Trin the past couple of days that look suspiciously like LJ entries. So although I have been in WI for several days, there have been no LJ updates because I was inadvertently sending them all to Trin--but reposting them would be ridiculous because they are private correspondance, and rewriting them would also be ridiculous.

So I'm kind of in a dilemma.

Basically, flew to WI on Friday, got set up here (my room is all boxes pretty much but I have clothes in my closets). Yesterday we went to the mall to get a last batch of presents, and it was snowing a little when we came out. I started on Trin's present (which might be finished by February) and watched Night Watch with my dad and my brother. It's a random, gruesome, yet awesome Russian vampire movie. Definitely see it if you're okay with some slightly gross and bloody stuff.

And now I should take a shower and start my day outside of my room, since I've been up for an hour and a half without emerging. I got to talk to Trin a little and that makes me happy. :)
dumblemop: (leash)
I need sex.

I need sex all the freaking time these days. It must be because I have a hot girlfriend. I can't keep my hands off her ass.

The thing that sucks is, because I had an exceedingly unpleasant procedure performed on my vaginal region this morning, I can't put anything in it for two weeks. And I go back to WI next Friday.

I told Trin I should write "Closed for repairs. Seek alternate route." on my stomach with an arrow pointing down.

So I'm all icky and hurty and violated, and we had sex once already this afternoon--and STILL need it.

I'm supposed to be studying for my comp sci exam tomorrow night and all I can think about is sex.

AAAAHHHH.

Boo.

Dec. 5th, 2006 01:09 am
dumblemop: (distress)
Very much boo on Mastering Physics.

But now I'm done and now it's time to snuggle.

Night y'all.
dumblemop: (corset)
So I'm not exactly doing work, but I am doing school.

Got an email from the CMSC mailing list about summer internships with NASA. So I was like "Hey, NASA, cool. Maybe I should check it out." A couple things look interesting. Some of them I'm not sure whether they're asking for people who are juniors next year (me) or people who are juniors this year. I'm going to have to figure that out. Deadline for all of them is January 16, and they require essays and recommendations and things so if I decide to apply for anything it looks like I know how I'll be spending my winter break. "Lol."

But in the process of trying to figure out whether I was even eligible for these things, I looked up the registrar's page to see whether my grades for ENGL 100 and CMSC 201 this semester will replace the grades from last year. And they will. Which is very good news because I'm getting As in them. So any way I figure it, if I get As in ENGL 100 and CMSC 201, which I should as long as I keep submitting my work (which I will), and get at least Bs in my other three classes, I'll definitely have at least a 3.0, and probably around a 3.2.

That means several things.
1. My parents will be happy.
2. I can prove to the world that I'm not a fuck-up, because to the world, grades are the primary criteria for this.
3. Internships, one of which my mother wants me to get for the summer, will actually consider me.
4. I can see if CWIT will let me back in, given that they've gotten more funding and they're losing another scholar.
5. I can apply for another scholarship (just money, no program) that I decided not to go for last year so I would have a better chance of getting it after I pulled my grades up.
6. My father won't complain that I'm wasting my talent, as he has after every academic year-segment for the last four years.
7. Evans can bite me.
8. I can finally prove to myself that I actually can do the work and in a timely manner too and get some positive reinforcement for it and therefore incentive to keep doing it, and maybe that'll actually work this time around.
9. My mom will stop worrying that my having a girlfriend will jeopardize my academic career.

There might be others that I haven't thought of. Gee.

I have a headache and I don't think I have my quesadilla. Oh well. At least it'll keep in Trin's car.

BOOYA.

Oct. 3rd, 2006 11:03 pm
dumblemop: (cheese)
Finished and submitted my 201 project an hour before the deadline--and everything works.

Now if I can just not only keep this up but get it done even earlier in the future, as well as my other work, my life will be much less stressful.

Let's see if I can do it.

Other than that little hang-up, life is great.

Boo.

Sep. 24th, 2006 12:12 am
dumblemop: (Default)
Sleeping alone sucks.
dumblemop: (leash)
I will never think of the song "Kiss Me" the same way ever again.

I'm breaking down my barriers one by one. I actually danced last night. True story.

Life is good.

I love bedtime stories. *cough*

P.S. Knee-high rainbow toe-socks are coming soon to a Rob near you. :D

a toast

Sep. 12th, 2006 09:04 pm
dumblemop: (Default)
Here's to the heart revealed in words.
dumblemop: (cheese)
My brother picked up some new music without me realizing it. Which makes sense, given that my iPod is the family room desktop pre-camp, and his music is now all on his laptop. But I managed to transfer some of it to my computer before we left, and there's a whole CD from something called Azure Ray--and it's really good. So check them out.

I also got a bunch of new music. Because I had $16-some left from last year, so I got:
-a Carmina Burana CD because that was one of the coolest singing experiences I've ever had;
-"Rhapsody in Blue" because I love it but for some reason don't have it;
-"Breath (2AM)" by Anna Nalick because I heard it a couple of times over the summer and thus associate it with camp and Jade and I had a moment singing it in the van that last weekend sometime;
-"Breath" by Melissa Etheridge because the previous song made me think of it and I'd heard it on Liz's computer sometime last year and I really like the song;
-"Los Angeles" by SUGARCULT because it was the free download this week and they always make me think of Elli;
-"Sonido Total" by The Pinker Tones because I saw it on LOGO;
-"Lolita" by Elefant because I saw it on LOGO.

Then I loaded the iTunes card that I got from my Secret Buddy AKA Trin and so far I have obtained:
-the video of "Is It Any Wonder?" by Keane because I saw it on LOGO and liked the video too enough to not just get the song;
-the video of "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield because I saw it on LOGO and like the song much better with the video--it also reminds me of camp;
-"Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)" by Arcade Fire because I saw it on LOGO;
-"Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)" by Lostprophets because I saw it on LOGO;
-"Cash Machine" by Hard-FI because I saw it on LOGO.

Good stuff. I'm making my way through Tess--although, technically, not, because I'm updating Livejournal instead, silly me.

I took The Purity Test again because Trin was taking it and then Jade was confused so I linked her and she was taking it, and I got a 72.60 this time. Last time I got a 74.45. So, *cough*, apparently, between Before Camp and After Camp I went down 1.85 points, which translates to 37 new 'yes'es. And I believe the time I took it before that was definitely pre-Pride and judging by the score (which I apparently remember as a 79.something) also pre-Liz&Kaitlyn--wow, that's a hundred new 'yes'es between Lindsay and Pride. Can that be right?

Wanna see something fun? Go here and search for "Migel"--the one without a period after it and the 2002 date is the first time I took it. xD So I guess I had a 92.30 the first time.

I'm also amused by the fact that I was able to check off all but about 7 boxes on the female section.

There was something else I was going to say that I vaguely suspect was related to the Test or at least the Test made me think of it but now I'm not sure what it was.

I got an Ultimate magazine in the mail today. I have no idea why.

I need to go to the bookstore. Really, I don't need to, I just want to poke around. Maybe I should do some work instead. Yeah, I think that's the right answer.

The new Facebook is...disturbing. But already I'm getting used to knowing what new groups my friends have joined and who's now friends with whom without having to put any work into it. It's nice coding, but just no.

I added a million pictures from high school to iPhoto. Guess who most of them are of. But it's getting easier--I think I'm really getting over some things. And I found my Baba O'Reilly dating video! Totally worth it. I'm so psyched I still have that.

Anyway, signing off for the night. Later kids.
dumblemop: (corset)
So in the midst of telling a completely different story yesterday, I realized something:

I saw The Matrix for the first time on the bus to Girl Scout camp.

Some things really make you think.

So, since I've apparently not updated since last week, I'll give some news. I'm back at school. Trin came and picked me up. Met my parents. That was interesting. My brother definitely likes her--I knew he would. I'm pretty sure my parents like her too. It was a nice weekend. So was the drive back. I, uh, slept some of the way. *cough*

First day of classes were on Wednesday. They seem pretty good so far, and I'm still on top of my work as yet. I even told Trin that I needed to see her later so I could finish up some homework--BIG step for me.

Lots of Freedom stuff going on. Lots of fun, but busy busy.

Johanna and Chole had a gathering today but I didn't get to go to it. Boo. :(

I somehow volunteered to help with the Booya website. I don't know what I was thinking, but it shouldn't be too hard, and I'm already doing GV's, and it'll mean I get to go to tournaments even though I suck. But I'm going to work hard on a lot this semester, because I KNOW it feels better to just DO the things I need to do--but I never do it. We'll see.

My computer tells knock knock jokes.

I uploaded most of my music from sophomore year of high school. One of the CDs couldn't be read, though, and iTunes keeps crashing trying to upload my REM CD, which upsets me. Oh well. I have 6.2 gigs of music now. If I can't think of any other music to upload, I'll need to set up my new iPod and transfer it all soon here.

Trin and I had our first date on Wednesday. :) We went out to dinner at Thirsty Dog and then to the Odd Girl Out show at the 8x10. It was really cool. I saw Tiff and Kim there! It was really funny because I was trying to read Tiff's shirt without realizing it was her, and then I was like "wait a minute...." They're so cute. :) Trin and her friends were like WTF because I was dead silent and stand-offish and then suddenly I'm jumping up and down about them being there. And I'm still kind of nervous about what her friends think of me--but oh well.

Friday we saw Little Miss Sunshine. We went to the mall and we were like "uh...we don't know any of these movies" except the ones that we were NOT going to ever see like Snakes on a Plane and How to Eat Fried Worms. So I said that Evelyn had recommended Little Miss Sunshine so we saw it--and it was awesome. Funny, tragic, just really good all-around. So go see it.

Saturday we went to see her brother's family including her brand-new nephew & godson. Her brother had lots of Japanese stuff all around. The baby was cute. This kid thing has really been growing on me lately--it's really bizarre. I'm so not used to not being afraid of kids.

Then we went to dinner with Trin's friends Elle and Sarah. It was good. I had a quesadilla. At one point a bunch of people came into the restaurant and Elle and Trin were staring at them going "...Sophomores. Maybe one junior. Fine arts majors of some kind." And Elle looks at me and is like "No offense--how old are you again?" Then we watched three episodes of Firefly. It was good.

My audition for the Mama's Boys is Tuesday. And they lost half their members to graduation so I have a much better shot of getting in this time. Plus I have the enthusiastic personality as well, and a better-prepared song, and I won't be sick.

Mabon's coming up. Hm.

I tore some interesting things out of magazines Thursday night. I'm not really sure what I'll do with them.

I've been reading The Sandman. Read most of Doll's House over dinner. Creepiest fucking thing I have ever read. Gyeesh.

The date's set for the HKP trip. I'm excited.

Also I'm regretting I forgot all my skirts at home.

That's really all I have to say, I guess. Life is good.
dumblemop: (cheese)
Rock on. Now I have something specific to fill in my Phish monologue with. I have to write it, and it'll take editing of course, but it'll be awesome. Although I doubt I will ever have the opportunity or courage to actually perform it, it'll be awesome.

I'm at home. I've been alternately packing and slacking. I got some done though, so that's good. Tomorrow I really do have to brave the basement, though.

I got cleats! Now I will be a proper Ultimate player and not have to play tournaments in Converse. It doesn't sound like the season will be starting for a couple of weeks though. I'm not even sure who's in charge of the team now--I don't know if Pat graduated or not. Looks like Vicious is still with us, so maybe it's him. Or if Team O! is still alive with Bullet gone. I guess we'll see.

I checked the women's cleats first, just in case--and no luck, just as I thought. For one thing the colors are ridiculous. For another thing, they didn't have any 10s in any of the four styles they carried. So I looked through the fifteen styles of men's cleats and found a pair of black-and-white 9.5s that fit. Rock. Really brings back my soccer days. I miss soccer.

I did not, however, get my new computer yet. We took too long at Sports Authority and Bed Bath & Beyond to make it to the Apple store before it closed. So I'll have to get it tomorrow.

Also, tomorrow I get my hair cut. Hm. "Short" is usually the only instructions I give, since I usually just want to get rid of the way it curls up at the sides. And then there's the dilemma of it feels weird when it's too short, but if I don't cut it really short then I have to cut it more often. Soooooo.

My mom is watching Thelma and Louise in the family room. I'm in the kitchen on her computer. My cellphone decided to inexplicably whack out on me, so I'm not entirely sure how effective a call from Trin will be, but I'm hoping.

I miss camp. I don't miss the drama, but I definitely miss the people. Well, I miss having "people" around in general, and then I miss a few very specific people. Hemlock Knoll Pact, you know who you are, and I am thinking of you.

Adriann and Tiara are awesome and we should have a roadtrip to see them--although California is significantly farther away than New York. Damn graduates.

I read Watchmen yesterday and today. Finished it about half an hour ago I guess. I really don't have a lot to say about it, I guess I'm still digesting it. It was really...I don't know. I caught a lot the first time through, I think--I definitely noticed things my brother didn't--but I'll probably have to read it again and even look things up to get all of it. But yeah, I definitely recommend it.

It'll be weird to be back at school. But good, I think. It'll be busy. I need to move-in, and reconnect with Pipe and Alison and Lauren and all the floor--and god, the new freshmen! I totally forgot about them. Well...I'm not really a scholar anymore. But at least I can be a good reverse role-model? It'll be good to see everyone again and get back into things. I'll have Freedom stuff to do, and books to buy, and classes to actually attend and actually do work for... So it's probably a good thing Booya isn't starting up immediately, so I have time to get used to my space before getting really busy.

Hee hee. I've been imagining Trin and Alison bonding over mutual worship of Coffee all day and it has afforded me much amusement.

I'm glad that my roommates are good people.

I'm glad about a lot of things. I'm happy, I'm in a good place, I have amazing and wonderful people in my life that I can learn from and give to. It's good.
dumblemop: (corset)
Oh my god. Coolest thing ever. Well...maybe not ever, because there are other things in the same vein that are pretty damn cool, but it's definitely up there. Especially all the way over here.

I have never, ever had four-and-a-half hour phone conversations and not even noticed the time.

So yeah.

Told you I'd talk when the time was right.

Anyway. I'm here in WI. The last couple of days I have had strangely amazingly good food. And like, a lot of it. Like Friday night I had bread and tomato soup and salmon with mashed potatoes and blood orange sorbet. And Saturday morning I had eggs with cheese and tomatoes and onions and cereal and Door County cherries and bacon and toast. Last night I had bread and tomatoes and mozzarella and salad and more salmon with avacado salsa. The only reason I didn't finish it was my parents were like "uh, we have to go or we'll be late for Gaelic Storm."

Speaking of which, Gaelic Storm kicks some righteous ass. So fucking cool. And I have their new CD, which has Johnny Tarr Part 2! And last night they were like "okay, we're going to play a song called Johnny Tarr." But first they play the first couple of lines sort of bluesy. And then they do it again and Murphy's up there rapping it out. And then they do it again but it's "Sweet Home Alabama." And then Murphy's like "okay, now we're going to play the real version"--but it's "Stairway to Heaven," and people are holding up their cellphones like lighters. It was awesome.

And the first group we saw earlier in the day, Reilly, played "Ring of Fire," "Come on Eileen," and "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." Good times.

So the reason there's all this cool stuff going on is that it's Irish Fest this weekend. So there's kickass music and kickass stuff and random people wandering around in kilts and women with shirts that say "Official Kilt Inspector" and guys with shirts that say "License to Kilt" and green everywhere. Like I go in there with my Emerald City shades on and then I realize that no one will see them that way because we're in a sea of Irish Pride.

Oh but there's so much cool stuff to get. So instead of writing about it all right now, I'm just going to go look at it some more. I'll probably update again when I get home tomorrow.
dumblemop: (leash)
Oh boy. Talk about a whirlwhind of emotions the last couple of days.

Some news:

The main computer is not working so I'm alternately borrowing Mom's and [livejournal.com profile] donewithmorals. And I am just realizing that the smell giving me flashbacks is this laptop overheating and reminding me of Steve's LAN party all the way back at the beginning of the summer. Crazy. It seems like a year ago or just last week.

I'm home from camp, so now my task is basically pack everything up for school and WI. Camp was...camp was camp. Camp was fucking insane, camp was fucking amazing. That's really...all I have to say about that. I can't possibly tell every story, so I won't tell any. You'll have to get them from me in person if you want to know--since I talk now and all. :P

And...I met someone. And I'm happy. :) Really really happy. And she's amazing and beautiful and just a really cool person. And did I mention awesome and hot? And I had an amazing couple of days with her before I had to go back to CT.

I'm still trying to figure out how to mention it to my parents--well, my mom, because my dad's in WI. See, 'cause I don't know whether I should have the hard conversation first (Lindsay) or the nice conversation first (Trin). Or when I'll have time to have either properly.

But I did manage to use my interpersonal crisis management skills from camp to tell her that we value different information when meeting people and her reaction when I don't have the answers to all the factual questions she asks about my friends makes me uncomfortable and doesn't inspire me to get the information she wants next time. Which is a problem we've had for a long time.

See, because she asked me where Trin goes to school before we were even out of the train station and I had to say I didn't know. It's either something that never came up in a story, or I didn't think to ask, or I was told and I don't remember. She always wants to know that sort of thing and it's never the way I catalog people in my head. Like I had this whole conversation with my brother about how it's not the what, or the where, it's the why and the how that make the who. It means more to me to know the look on her face when she sees a shooting star, or how she stands up for her principles, or how she talks to a homesick kid for five minutes and manages to not only figure out what's wrong but get them to stop crying and go to sleep and have a good week and that she does it not just because it's her job but that it's her job because she cares--instead of what year she was born in, or what kind of neighborhood she lives in, or where she goes to school. The latter are things I'll pick up eventually, but they don't make Trin, Tricia.

Anyway, that was my philosophy lecture for the day. I don't really have much more to say because I have stuff to do and people to call. I'll do my best to catch up on people's entries but I know I won't be able to, so I'm sorry. Also, I found these gorgeous boots that I'm trying to convince my mom I should have--and anyone who knows me will be utterly shocked that I want them. O:P

Love to all.
dumblemop: (infinitum)
Fuck camp drama.

That's all I have to say about that.

I got to kayak this week! It was awesome.

I don't know. There's stuff going on but I don't really feel like writing about it. Just living it is enough. Ask me sometime if you want to know stories because guess what--I actually talk now. :P Sometimes.
dumblemop: (raw1)
I'll be on camp this weekend. It's all good. Clearly it's a sign, I'm meant to stay here, I just don't know why yet.

Anyway, thank you to everyone I bothered. It would have been nice to see y'all, but. :)

I'll write about stuff at some point.

Oh, some good news! One, Mad River went to the big bosses and they've decided that whatever pronouns someone wants to use are fine. So at least that's our comfort dealt with. Two, I'm on the kayak camp next week!! I'm so excited. :D I haven't kayaked in so long.

Also...I'm definitely getting sick. I've caught the Conowingo Plague.

Thursday's quote of the day--
Mad River: Mad River to Trinity, can you bring down some fans from Pax Tu for the dining hall?
Trinity: I'm revoking ALL of their lesbian cards, all of them! Camp full of lesbians and I'm the one hauling shit around.

I Trin. :)
dumblemop: (lighthouse)
It's been a long week, and it's only Wednesday. Well, at least things haven't been boring, huh?

Apparently some people have been complaining that Trinity has been playing favorites with Jade and me--because of the whole Jade-and-Toad-are-twins-and-Trinity-is-their-mom story thing--maybe. Honestly, because all of this comes through convoluted channels so nobody knows who specifically is complaining, it's all very confusing. And upsetting. That's one thing.

The other thing is that apparently, Council has recommended/decreed that all staff be referred to as "she." We're all so pleased.

And you know, I'm not even that upset about it for myself--I was never expecting to get anything else, and although I may have gotten spoiled by getting the treatment that I prefer, I was prepared for the alternative when I took this job.

However, I am upset about it on principle. We preach safe space hard and fast around here--how can we claim that camp is a safe space for kids if it's not also safe space for the counselors? I even told Trinity that it was the single thing that made me feel most welcome, that she used male pronouns for me almost automatically. And it's ridiculous to bring it up now, because we're halfway through the sixth session. And it's ridiculous anyway. I always thought the Girl Scouts were better than the Boy Scouts--I even described it that way to someone, "it's sort of like the Boy Scouts, only much cooler." But if this is going to be their un-official official position--because it's not like they're making an official statement that gender identity is either worthless or important, either way--then I don't think I'm cool with that.

And I'd been seriously thinking that this was something I could do for awhile. Like sure, there are things I don't agree with or that I think could be done better--I'd get that anywhere. But I feel safe here. And this is something I can actually do, and it's fun and it's challenging and it's good for the kids. But if this is going to be their attitude...

And really, it does bother me for myself. Because as much as it doesn't matter which pronouns I get for most people, I think it would really bother me if certain people suddenly had to switch to female. Guess who.

And really really, it bothers me because all of this is breaking Trin's heart.

This is my life.

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