Mini-update

Jul. 1st, 2006 01:57 am
dumblemop: (peace)
It should be obvious that I'm at home because I'm posting at 2AM.

I need to go to bed because a week of looking after 24 Juniors and Cadettes when I have no experience in child supervision has taken its toll. It's funny, but it never really seemed like work until I was taking a break. More on that later.

By that, I mean that I will be going to bed and tomorrow I will expand on the week as I haven't had a chance to do that in a couple of days, and I will also catch up on friends' LJ entries I've missed in the last couple of days.

I will be at home until sometime in the afternoon of July 4th. Then I'll be going back to camp. I don't know when I'll be home again, but I will be free on the weekends.

No one's gotten any letters from me yet because I didn't bring stamps and I didn't have much time to write this week. Next week I should be more into the swing of things in order to take time when I can. I do have four letters finished that I will send when I find stamps, and the other seven will follow as soon as possible.

I need a backup tarot deck to take to camp. After the 4(0) days and nights of rain this week, I don't want to keep my primary (gift) deck at camp so it doesn't warp. Anyone have any suggestions?

That's all for now. :) Love to all.
dumblemop: (faces)
I should have apple juice with my honey, but I'll have to make do with lemonade. I had a moment out in the field while I was coming back from Liz's. Wandered around and wrote a song off the top of my head. It even had a bridge, how weird is that? Let's see if I remember the words. If I can remember any of the words I'll record the tune so I won't lose it.

I've been walking
Just about all my life
And I've finally found the reason
The reason for this feeling
This joy welling up inside
It's because I've found two women
Who make everything alright


That's really the important part. The rest of it I'll only be able to remember clumsily, if at all. That and it's a little repetative.

You won't know how much I love you
Until you look into my eyes
Where you'll see the reason
The reason for this feeling
The joy welling up inside
It's because I love two women
And I'll be here all my life

It's a warm sunny May morning
And I'm missing you today

(Similar end to this verse as the others but I can't remember it.)

So I'm walking out this evening
And I'm writing down this song
To tell you both the reason
The reason for this feeling
This joy welling up inside
It's because I've found two women
Who make everything alright


There were like four other verses and a bridge, I was out there in the field for twenty minutes just walking where my feet took me and singing this song from my heart.

And people ask how I can be okay with this. People are weird.

All in all a good Beltane, but I shouldn't have gone to sleep. I am just kicking myself over that. Or at least I should have had my phone with me on full volume instead of in my bag on vibrate, and I should at least have gotten up when I set my alarm. Now I'm all awake but I still don't want to do my paper, but if I'm not doing my paper I have to be in bed. And if I don't do my paper now, I'll have to do it in the morning--but if I sleep now, I'll have some semblance of a normal schedule for tomorrow.

I'm not a very good pagan. I've been lazy lately and I feel kind of bad about that. I think I'm a good Unitarian. There's just something that feels inherently silly about generic Outer Court-influenced Neopagan stuff, especially when I don't have a group like ASC anymore, but the last thing I need right now is another excuse to slack off from work because I'm studying religions and philosophies hunting for what fits me. I fit me. I'm a Unitarian before I'm anything else, but I guess I'm just poly-religious as well as polyamorous.

I need to find other ways to express myself besides "I love you." I feel like people must get tired of hearing it. I told Kaitlyn I loved her today. I tell Liz too often and Kaitlyn not enough. I don't even want to think about summer.

Had a good conversation with Aeryes. See, this is why communication is an amazing thing. I mean, besides the fact that this whole relationship probably would not exist if it weren't for communication. I was telling him about Liz and Kaitlyn because we haven't talked in like...two months and I realized that I've known him for four years now. And I've avoided telling him about the gender thing for almost half of that because I do care about his opinions and I had no idea what his reaction would be and if he didn't know then I wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of him knowing. So I gave him my journal link and explained why I hadn't wanted him to see it when I'd started it. And he'd already guessed somehow and is fine with it as far as I can tell. Which is a little bit boggling but wonderful and a definite relief. 'Cause I was like "so..." and he was like "yeah...I kinda sensed that" and I was like "O_O;" and we talked and it's good. :)

So all in all, a good Beltane. Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again. (This is something I need to take to heart so I don't end up sleeping on your landing.)
dumblemop: (Default)
I had a weird, long, drawn-out dream last night. Probably because I wasn't really asleep for most of the night. I'm such a hypocrite. "My worrying has no effect on the outcome of anything," so I've been freaking out all yesterday and last night why?

I give up. I just give up. I didn't get a call last night so I'm going to assume that everything is as fine as could be expected and just do my work. They'll be back tomorrow.

I'd like to think I could have driven if I needed to. I'd like to think that wouldn't be beyond my limits. I'd like to think so.

So far, "Barbie Girl" is the best song I can come up with for the drag show. I'm not entirely sure it's suited to the characters, but then again, I don't know the characters, and it's upbeat and could be funny. It's not my show.

I've got class...well, in twenty minutes or so. I guess I'll go make a show of having everything together. I'll eat between Physics and Comp Sci, I'll hang out in the library or something and work on my paper between lecture and lab, and then I'll finish it tonight. If I get it done early I can start on my project so I'm not doing it Sunday night. Maybe I'll watch Boston Legal with Pipe.

I made an anklet. I was trying to make something else but I didn't have the right kind of string because she has all my good beading things. It's a little like the wish anklet I had in high school, but it only has three beads and I didn't have rainbow colors--in fact, I only had one kind of bead that would fit on hemp, because I'm used to working with floss. The three are supposed to stand for peace, love, and joy (although for some reason I keep thinking "peace, love, security" in my head; security falls inside peace) and it's supposed to transfer to the people I'm around and recharge while I'm asleep. I haven't programmed that part into it yet; I need a little more energy for it. I re-did my altar when I re-did my room. I still don't have my candle so I put Gandalf in the center.

You asked me if it was for no reason. Did you notice I was acting a little strangely before and after that question? I did. I'm sorry. Something in your tone just got me a little flustered and I didn't react well. I don't know how to deal with that searching interrogative manner anymore. Searching means you're looking for a specific answer and I have never been able to get the right answer and it...I panicked. Ask me again later if you want to know.

Alright, this fucking text box is expanding on me, so I am done with this entry.

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